Last night Brian and I were laying in bed and with tears in my eyes I said to Brian I want my girls back. I want to be pregnant with them again. I miss them SO much...
Seeing their names on a plaque in the cemetery is so confusing. I should be 25 weeks pregnant this week. Their little body's should be inside me not buried beneath some dirt. I know they are with Jesus but that doesn't always make me feel better. Would it make you if you lost a child? I will never see them walk, I will never see them play soccer, I will never see them graduate, I will never see them get married, and I will never be a grandma to their children. There are no words to describe the hurt. NONE.
I fell asleep crying last night and I woke up this morning with more tears. But by the grace of God I pulled myself out of bed and jumped in the shower. And the day did get better. I went with my mom to Grand Haven to visit my aunt and some cousins who were renting a cottage. It was a beautiful day and I was surrounded by family. And then tonight Brian had a softball game and I stayed HOME ALONE for the first time since before June 15. I did have a back up plan (to go to my mom's house) but I did it and am so proud of myself...baby steps for me as life slowly takes on its new normal.
Boulder Ridge Zoo
1 week ago