I have had a busy last few days which is a good thing because that means time is a-moving! I still wish I could fast forward time but since that won't be happening I am content that time is not creeping by. I have found that if I pack my days full not only do they move quicker but that I am easily distracted from the constant ache of losing the girls. Mornings are still rough but if I make plans early then I have no choice but to get up and get moving.
Yesterday I made plans to meet my friend Lacey for breakfast at Rainbow Grill (my fave breakfast place)...and after breakfast we went and sat by my sister's pool for the rest of the afternoon. After sitting in the 90 degree heat and sweating bullets, I decided that I was going to call my new doctor and see what his opinion was about swimming in a pool. And the verdict is...it is a-okay to swim in a pool!!! Thank heavens cause I was starting to get a little antsy about not being able to swim. Then our good friends (the Zeinstras) invited us over for dinner at night. We grilled out (well tried to) and had a wonderful dinner with great friends. And of course the girls (Avery and Lily) always keep things interesting! The night was not done yet. Our last stop was to Brian's parents to drop off the shutterfly books that I made of the girls. And then to Brian's delight, we headed home!
I didn't sleep the greatest last night (nervous tummy) because today I had a meeting with my manager about when I would be coming back to work. I was more nervous about how I would feel walking into the place where I had delivered my sweet baby girls than actually talking with my manager. I shed some tears as I was driving to the meeting but asked Jesus to just be with me. I prayed that I wouldn't view the hospital as a "bad place" but rather simply the place where I work. And it all went very smoothly. I talked with my manager and then walked around my floor and chatted with some of my coworkers. I made it through (mostly) tearless. PLEASE send up lots of prayers to the Big Guy...Tuesday is my first day back (after 6 weeks off). I will be starting slow. First some four hour shifts, then a combination of four and eight hour shifts, then a combination of eight and twelve hour shifts, and finally ending with my three twelve hour shifts. It will be a good distraction but still not looking forward to returning to work. I told Brian the other day that if a parent loses a child, then they should get three months (per child) off from work (completely paid)...this includes husbands getting that same amount of time off. But my realistic hubby says then all company's would go bankrupt...thanks babe. I suppose life has to resume; resume to my "new normal."
Then I met one of my bestest buddies at Panera Bread for lunch and after lunch we got pedicures! We do this every year to celebrate our birthdays (since our birthdays are just a week apart)! It was great catching up on life and she is a great listener and encourager!!! Thanks Kare...love ya! My evening was just as busy. As soon as Brian got home it was off to Holland to find me a chain for my new "A" and "E" pendants (that my wonderful mother gave me to remember Alayna and Ella by). I cannot wait to pick it up next week and wear it ALL the time. My girls will always be with me...they will NEVER be forgotten! And after a few more stops, we made it to my brother and sister-in-laws to meet my new nephew. I was a little nervous about how it would go but I am glad to report it was a tear-free visit. I wasn't sure if I would even want to pick him up but it felt right so I did. I told my niece Kylynn that I now know what a "male" version of her looks like...she just smiles. As we are leaving (and I should add here that my hubby had to deal with a cranky wife most of the evening. Why was I cranky...I have no idea...maybe the hormones or my hubby's constant teasing) but anyways as we drove away I felt a little sad that I never get to hold my Alayna and Ella again. Then Brian said to me, "but you will be their mommy forever in heaven." How true, earth is just temporary but heaven is forever! And what a gift that will be...heaven and my little angels...forever and forever!!!
Boulder Ridge Zoo
1 week ago