Saturday, August 7, 2010

Precious Children

Precious Child
by Karen Taylor-Good

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

A month ago from today I buried my two precious children.  I will never forget that day.  EVER.  So many thoughts (from that day) come rushing back...I couldn't believe that I was burying my twins.  It all seemed so surreal.  A bad bad dream.  I will never forget trying to decide what to wear to the funeral or Brian asking me what he should wear.  I told him that I didn't care.  He got mad.  The shirt he wanted to wear was dirty (with dust).  Me using the lint brush to make his "dirty shirt" clean.  Brian driving us to the one place NO father or mother EVER wants to go.  Brian and I should have died first.  That was the plan.  Why was it not God's???  Listening to our Pastors words of encouragement but seeing all my hopes and dreams slip away...such a mix of emotions.  Tears of utter sadness.  Words cannot even describe the pain...

But my girls will never know sadness... 
They will never know darkness... 
They will never know pain... 
They will never shed a tear... 
They will never be scared... 
They will only know happiness... 
They will only know laughter... 
They will only ever know LOVE!

When I am just sitting quietly my mind often wanders.   It normally wanders to thoughts of Alayna and Ella.  Lately I cannot help but shed happy tears over my thoughts.  I see my grandma Vugteveen cuddling Ella and my grandma Scholma snuggling Alayna.  My grandpa Vugteveen just waiting for his turn.  (And my grandpa Scholma says he cannot wait to go to heaven to see my girls).  They only know LOVE.  I am sure Brian's Grandpa and Grandma Helmholdt and Grandpa Holwerda are loving them to pieces too.  Everyone waiting to love a piece of Brian and I. 

My sweetest babies...I will love and miss you until the day I see you again!  Until then remember everything...What your first thoughts of heaven were.  What it felt like to be held by Jesus.  Did He tell you how much we loved you?  What it was like meeting Noah, Abraham, and Moses.  How it felt to run on the streets of gold.  If you like soccer.  Your first Christmas.  Your first birthday.  Whether you prefer chocolate or vanilla cake.  The sound of your first giggle.  Meeting all your papa's and grandma's.  Did they tell you all about mommy and daddy?  REMEMBER EVERYTHING.  I cannot wait to see you again and hold you for forever.  Your short life made me a different person.  Thank You Baby A and Baby B...my little bugs!

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