Saturday, September 11, 2010

Our Chosen Path

This is not the path we would choosen but the one we're forced to take. So we will ... the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything" (Ephesians 5:19-20).

"Why didn't God help me sooner?" This is a question that is often asked, but it is not His will to act on your schedule. He desires to change you through the trouble and cause you to learn a lesson from it. He has promised, "I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Ps 91:15). He will be with you in trouble all day and through the night. Afterward he will take you out of it, but not until you have stopped being restless and worried over it and have become calm and quiet. Then He will say, "It is enough." God uses trouble to teach His children precious lessons. Difficulties are intended to educate us, and when their good work is done, a glorious reward will become ours through them. There is a sweet joy and a real value in difficulties, for He regards them not as difficulties but as opportunities (Streams in the Desert).

Thursday should have been my last day of work until mid January.  As I laid in bed Thursday morning that thought and many others ran through my mind.  My mind drifted back to "that" day.  What if I knew that what was about to happen would forever change my life.  Would I have still walked in?  I guess that is why God doesn't give us a crystal ball.  We are not suppose to know the paths our lives will take.  We must walk in faith trusting God every step of the way.

"It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going" (Corinthians 5:7).

I replay walking into my doctor office.  I think about how excited I was.  I replay walking out of my doctor's office.  I remember how scared I was.  But the real truth is I still didn't "get it."  I still didn't get that my life was never going to be the same.  I didn't get the fact that I might end up delivering my babies much to soon.  Even when the new doctor sent me home on strict bedrest I still didn't "get it."  I kept thinking I will just have to be on bedrest all summer.  And then I got it.  I got it the moment I started bleeding.  I was actually going to deliver before viability.  My girls would have no chance.  No chance at all.  I remember calling Brian and telling him that we needed to go back to the hospital because I was bleeding.  And little did I know that in less than 18 hours our firstborn would be here and gone in the blink of an eye.  And in just 6 more days our second born would join her big sissy in heaven.  And somehow Brian and I would have to pick up the pieces and begin again...

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live" (Psalm 104:33).


  1. Just want you to know I love each and every one of your posts! xoxo

  2. I can feel the tears in my eyes, knowing exactly what you feel. I remember feeling that same way and how it all didn't make sense.
    You and Brian are picking up the pieces, one at a time. Alayna and Ella left their mommy and daddy with a special gift of love. I pray you feel their sweetness in everything you do and everything you see.
    Huge hugs,