Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Visitor From Heaven

Six more days have passed.  Six...the number of days that separates the birth of my first daughter from the birth of my second daughter.  Six long days that we anxiously prayed for a miracle.  Prayed that our little Baby B would stay with us.  My dream was that we would tell her that her big sissy had gone to heaven but that God knew we needed her to stay strong.  We stayed strong and focused on Ella for 5 days.  And then we were told we needed to induce.  If we didn't induce my life would soon be in jeopardy.  No parent wants to make that choice.  But then the doctor said that our sweet little baby was already too infected to survive.  We were crushed.  We were devastated.  This was all too much.  But we induced.  And 24 hours later at 9:36am Ella Adrianna Helmholdt made her debut. 

A Visitor from Heaven

If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile

A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came
A visitor from Heaven

If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love

And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came


Today I saw you crying
I sent you lots of love
I hope that you can feel it
I'm here just up above

Today I jumped from cloud to cloud
And flew across the sky
And God told me all about you
And why you often cry

He told me that you were special
And your love for me is deep
He told me that one day I'll meet you here
And in your arms is where I'll leap

I met a nice man the other day
He sat me on his knee
He told me that he knew you, Mom
And do you know what else he told me?

He told me all about you
About your pretty face
About your kindness, love and joy
About your sweet grace

I told that man I knew you
Cause we were once so close
I grew in your belly, Mommy
Just beneath your clothes

I told that man you talked to me
And prayed for me each night
And how I felt your love right there
And how you would hug me tight

No, you're not a stranger, Mom
Although we're now apart
It's really not that far, Mommy
I know I'm in your heart

I can't wait to see you, Mommy
God says you'll be here soon
Until then, I'm with you
And I love you to the moon

It's been a rough week.  When to most its just another week.  To me its another week without my girls.  And one week closer to their due date.  I received a letter in the mail earlier this week from a sweet lady who lost 2 children over 25 years ago.  She wrote..."Just think how blessed both of you are that of all the people in the world, God chose you two because of your strength to share these children with.  Wow!  What a compliment from God."  So I will continue to stay strong and fight the fight.  For we believe better things are yet to come.  Happy 3 months in heaven Ella girl!  Mommy and daddy love you so much!

I lift up my eyes to the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful baby Ella, what a precious little lady, resting safely in our Father's loving arms.
    Thank you for sharing your precious pictures of your baby girl and your emotions that you are left with, they are never easy to exactly put into words.
    Jay and Morgan held that same our twins have wings of their own.
    Lifting you and Brian up to the Lord, everyday and in every way.