Tuesday, October 5, 2010

More of my Ramblings

I am in survival mode.  Why am I in survival mode?  Because EVERYONE is pregnant around meI don't like to make myself sad but sometimes I sneak a peak at facebook.  I had a hunch that another neighbor was pregnant and I confirmed my worst suspicion.  And when I say another that another makes the sixth neighbor.  One had her baby in August, another yesterday, two are due in December, one in January, and now a March baby too.  I hardly dare go outside anymore.  Thank goodness it's getting colder outside so staying inside is just fine with me.  But in all seriousness I have the hubby peak outside to see if any pregnant neighbors are out...if they are...then I stay inside.  I know my boundaries.  And since I was on facebook I wanted to see if Lisa (the girl who was pregnant with twins with me) had had her babes yet.  Yep.  Then that makes me think that in 9 days my precious twinners would have made their debut.  As I was on Lisa's facebook page I saw that her sister-in-law is pregnant with twins now too.  Awesome.

It seems like EVERYONE at work is pulling me to the side to tell me that their pregnant too.  Which I am so very thankful for but at the same time it's hard.  My manager told me a couple weeks ago that she was pregnant and she just announced it yesterday (thankfully on a day that I was not working).  And another coworker told me on Sunday that she was expecting...her third.  And on the same day that I found out my manager was pregnant I found out that another coworker (who happens to not be married) was pregnant.  It doesn't seem fair to me.

And I found out last week that a friend is expecting her second.  Which makes me jealous.  Brian and I have been TTC since March of 2009.  When will it be our turn to take a baby home

I mentioned (above) 14 babies that have or will be born by April 2011.  My guess is that all of them will get to take healthy babies home (and I want them to all take healthy babies home).  But why was I the one who did not get to.  And I know a lot of people say they never ask God why things happen to them but I am. I am asking.  I want to know WHY.  After I ask God why he took my girls so early...my next question will be why do some people (ahem me) have to struggle SO SO SO to get pregnant and have children and others say I want a baby and a baby they get.

But I will hold tight to my Savior...

Therefore if you desire to know God's voice, never consider the final outcome or the possible results.  Obey Him even when He asks you to move while you still see only darkness, for He Himself will be a glorious light within you. Then there will quickly spring up within your heart a knowledge of God and a fellowship with Him, which will be overpowering enough in themselves to hold you and Him together, even in the most severe tests and under the strongest pressures of life (Streams in the Desert).

And our devotions from last night were just what I needed to hear...

Apparent adversity will ultimately become an advantage for those of us doing what is right, if we are willing to keep serving and to wait patiently.  Think of the great victorious souls of the past who worked with steadfast faith and who were invincible and courageous! There are many blessings we will never obtain if we are unwilling to accept and endure suffering. There are certain joys that can come to us only through sorrow.  There are revelations of God's divine truth that we will receive only when the lights of earth have been extinguished. And there are harvests that will grow only once the plow has done its work.  It is from suffering that the strongest souls ever known have emerged; the world's greatest display of character is seen in those who exhibit the scars of sorrow; the martyrs of the ages have worn their coronation robes that have glistened with fire, yet through their tears and sorrow have seen the gates of heaven (Streams in the Desert).

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)


  1. I'm praying for you! I so want to know the story God has for you. I can't wait to find out why you are so special and what child God has in store for you. I am sorry that it is so hard.

  2. I'm one of those lucky women who wanted babies and was able to have healthy ones (who were all "overcooked) without any problems. BUT that doesn't mean I don't cry for you when I read your words. I realize that although I've been tremendously blessed so far, my children could be taken from me at any moment and I could end up living your nightmare. So I pray for you AND for me, that no matter what pain life brings us we can find peace in God and knowing this life is temporary.
    Take care,

  3. I just came across your blog today. My heart aches for you. I also struggled with infertility for almost 3 years and suffered a heart breaking miscarriage. Our babies have met...
    God has since graciously blessed me with two healthy babies and I am eternally grateful. All that being said, my heart knows some of the pain that your heart feels. My heart cries for your heart and my hands are lifted to God for you. After walking through the valley of infertility I have learned that there are not words that can dull the pain, but prayers, they help. We have never met, and yet we aren't strangers, we are sisters in Christ. God calls us to carry one another's burdens and to encourage one another with the encouragement that we have received ourselves. I hope your heart feels my prayers!