Thursday, October 7, 2010

Three Months

Today marks my last 3 month anniversary.  I made it through the three month anniversary of the day that rocked my world, through Alayna's three month birthday, and through Ella's three month birthday.  And so now I remember what happened 3 months ago from today.  Three months ago from today I buried my little girls.  Oh how I miss them...

Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
And the shore seems miles away.

Waves of despair numb my soul
As I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask 'why?'

At times, my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly,
So great is my loss.

Please don’t turn away or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears and sit with me in loving silence.

Honor where I am in my journey,
Not where you think I should be.

Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.

Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart, and
Shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears.

I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. (Psalm 71:20)


  1. Perfectly said, from one empty armed mama to another.

    Hearts and Hugs!

  2. I happened across your blog and feel so blessed and inspired by your words. His spirit is so evident in every word you write. We too have struggled with IVF and I almost lost our twins at 20 weeks to IC but were blessed after 5 months of bedrest to have them. I can imagine a little of your loss as we just lost our second IVF baby last week in the second trimester, the grief is a roller coaster but you have inspired me with every word you have written. I'll be praying for you in Southern California!