Friday, October 15, 2010

Trusting In Him

It's been quite a week I can definitely say that much.  For the most part I think I did pretty good but these last two days have been rough.  Yesterday I was quite cranky and today it seems as if the faucet of tears will not stop.  At the mention of my sweet daughters names I start crying.  And I can't help but think about everything that should have been.  Today (or yesterday) should have been the first day of Brian and I holding our precious twin daughters. 

Never once (in all my dreams) did I ever think that lil 'O me would have twins.  They simply didn't/don't run in the family.  But then IVF came knocking at our door and I thought....hmmm maybe someday I will have twins.  How fun (and busy) would that be!  Fast forward to February 24th.  I was sitting on our couch and Brian was messing with something in the basement.  We were nervous as all get out.  The phone finally rang.  I answered.  Sandy (my IVF nurse) said are you ready.  I said yes.  And she said YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!  Brain came running up the stairs and I gave him the thumbs up sign and finished talking to Sandy.  My hcg level was really high and at that moment I knew we were having twins.  We hugged, took a deep breath and smiled.  We were on cloud 9!!!  Fast forward a little more to March 8.  My fertility doctor was busy measuring the baby.  I will admit that I was a little disappointed that my doctor wasn't mentioning a second baby but I looked at Brian and he seemed a little relieved that there was no mention of a second baby.  And then just like that my doctor said and here's baby B.  I had the BIGGEST smile on my face and Brian looked like he ready to pass out.  We walked out of that appointment on top of the WORLD!  Fast forward all the way to today.  Today instead of holding our precious baby girls we will be lighting a candle in remembrance of them.  See post from earlier today.  Not the way I imagined spending the 15th of October.

Brokenhearted...

Empty arms...

Tears that never cease...

But still trusting in His most perfect plan!

Cry Out To Jesus
by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love,
Long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough,
When you said good-bye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains,
Keeping you back from your life,
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right.

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing,
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

This is the way God works. In our darkest hour...Dear soul, you may have to experience the very worst before you are delivered, but you will be delivered! God may keep you waiting, but He will always remember His promise and will appear in time to fulfill His sacred Word that cannot be broken.

God has a simplicity about Him in working out His plans, and yet He posses a resourcefulness equal to any difficulty. His faithfulness to His trusting children is unwavering, and He is steadfast in holding to His purpose...It is always safe to trust God's methods and to live by His clock.

God in His providence has a thousand keys to open a thousand different doors in order to deliver His own, no matter how desperate the situation may have become. May we be faithful to do our part, which is simply to suffer for Him, and to place Christ's part on Him and then leave it there.

Difficulty is actually the atmosphere surrounding a miracle, or a miracle in its initial stage. Yet if it is to be a great miracle, the surrounding conditions will be not simply a difficulty but an utter impossibility. And it is the clinging hand of His child that makes a desperate situation a delight to God (Streams in the Desert).

Thank you to so many who have sent me a card or an email this week.  I cried opening every single one of them because I am soooo thankful to have each of you in my life.  God has blessed me with an amazing family, awesome friends, and the most suuportive coworkers around.  My mom said it best to me this morning...not a day goes by that she doesn't think about Alayna and Ella.  And not a day goes by (maybe not even an hour unless I am sleeping) that I don't think about them too.  They are after all my daughters...and they will NEVER be forgotten. 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

1 comment:

  1. Lindsey, your post is so beautiful. As I was reading it I was listening to "you never let go" by Matt Redman and it just brought tears to my eyes. He never lets go and He promises to catch every tear that falls. You were never far from my thoughts the last two days, I continue to lift you up to our Father that cares so deeply.

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