Monday, November 8, 2010

Thoughts, 30 D.B.C...Day 29, and Trip Recap

So I mentioned here about the book I just finished reading.  A book written by Mary Beth Chapman.  A book about loss and grief but also about hope and faith.  I wanted to share with you all some more of her precious words.  Words (that as I read) felt like my very own.  Words that could have (and maybe have) come out of my own mouth a time or two.  ***(Instead of Maria or her/she...think Alayna and Ella or they/them or if you have lost a child...put your own child's name in there)***

"It feels like we are walking into hurricane-force winds, but maybe, just maybe if we hold tight to each other, and then tie ourselves to the Creator of the hurricane in the first place, we will survive the storm that we are surely in! I'm only prepared to say survive...not yet able to see the calm sunshine and beauty that comes after such devastation, but I'm willing to hold on, which in the end is the true meaning of faith and trust."

"I've heard things like, She wasn't mine to begin with...She belongs to God.  He gave her to me so that I could be her mommy.  But I still want to be her mommy...I wasn't prepared to give her back to the One who gave her to me."

"I'm sad. I'm really, really, catastrophically sad.  I'm not sure when it will get better. I guess I will get through this but not ever will I get over it! So I will journey on, knowing that this isn't my home, and that when I reach my journey's end, I will be with Maria longer than I will have been without her."

"Part of me couldn't help but want to go right along with the be gathered up by the wind and be swept to heaven to be with Maria."

"But again, until I die or Jesus comes back, we will do hard.  And even when we feel our God is being silent in the pain...that is where the truest sense of faith must come into play.  But again, I have hope in how the story ends."

And a couple of quotes she quoted in her book...

Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead. (Frederick Buechner)

Shattered dreams are never random.  They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story.  The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for our God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream.  They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream. (Larry Crabb)

Christianity doesn't deny the reality of suffering and evil.  Our not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering. (Brennan Manning)

May this be your experience; may you feel that the Hand which inflicts the wound supplies the balm, and that He who has emptied your heart has filled the void with Himself. (James Hudson Taylor).

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. (C.S.Lewis)

And onto (the second to last day of) the 30 Day Blog Challenge...

Day 29: Three Wishes

1. To get pregnant (again).

2. To take my (healthy) baby HOME with me.

3. To win a trip...

to an all-inclusive resort
or Hawaii
or Alaska
or Europe

Really I'm not that picky...I just want to have it for FREE!

So like I said yesterday, Brian and I decided to get away for a few days around the girl's due date.  We left on Thursday (their actual DD) and arrived back home yesterday.  Our first stop was Chicago and the first thing on our agenda was lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.  It was as delicious as ever!!!  Next stop was to H&M...I absolutely LOVE this store.  Spent a good 2 hours here (much to the hubby's disapproval).  He said that he enjoyed the time at H&M as much as I would enjoy hunting in subzero degree weather.  Love his humor.  Then we walked Navy Pier (it was so cold we didn't last too long).  And finally headed out of the city to hit up the Cabela's in Schaumburg, IL.  And ended the night in a hotel...where we tried to watch Avatar but guess who fell asleep.  You guessed it...ME!
Me on Navy Pier (it was freezing)

Me, Brian, and Chicago

We woke up Friday morning and headed for Milwaukee.  Milwaukee County Zoo to be exact.  My hubby really loves Zoo's.  This past July (right after we lost the girl's) we went to another zoo that was new to us...Potterville Zoo and this zoo doesn't even begin to compare with the Milwaukee County Zoo.  We saw lions, tigers, cheetahs, jaguars, zebras, giraffes, hippos, rhinos, elephants, alligators, brown bears, black bears, grizzly bears, polar bears, camels, and so much more.  And even though it was another chilly day we stilled enjoyed ourselves...because we were TOGETHER!
At the Zoo
 isn't that something...
Brian and his friend Brownie 
My fave animals at the Zoo

After the zoo we drove around Milwaukee and found a place to eat.  Then hit up some outlets outside of Milwaukee.  And arrived at Brian's cousin Kevin's house late afternoon.  We hung out with the Flegner family Friday night.  Kevin's wife Cyndie and I really hit it off (we had only met once before at my wedding) and we also enjoyed spending time with their 3 adorable little girls Kaylee, Jenna, and Brooke.  The youngest was a replica (in personality) to my niece Cambrey.  She was a hoot and has more energy that you can even begin to imagine.  She also loves make-up and candy...can we say Cambrey!  We spent most of the night talking, but we did go out for dinner, and watch some DVR'd Criminal Minds. 

And then Saturday we got to chat some more before heading over to Randolph to celebrate Brian's grandma's 90th birthday.  I really hadn't met much of the Holwerda family so it was nice putting faces to names.  We had a great time and it truly meant a lot to his grandma to have most of her family all together in one place.  
All the grandkids and great grandkids at the party.
(only missing 4 grandkids and 5 great grandkids)

Then it was back to the Flegner's for one last night before heading home.  It was a great time away but once again...its back to reality.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. Romans 8:28


  1. You were up in my neck of the woods (Wisconsin). Glad you had a good weekend and got past that dreaded anniversary, although there will be many more, I'm sure. Keep the faith and know there are people out here (even strangers like me) who are praying for you!