Monday, February 21, 2011

Believeing Before Seeing

Last week I told Brian because I was upset (and he could tell I was a wee bit on the cranky side) that EVERYONE was pregnant. His response was...not everyone is pregnant. And I said...yes you're right I'M NOT...

Sometimes I get angry (very ANGRY) because so many people have baby after baby with no problem conceiving, carrying, or delivering their child AND they get to take their babies home to raise them and enjoy them. I often wonder why I (we) have had so many issues. Why did I get a random infection and why did I have a failed embryo split and why do we have to do IVF and why did our baby's heart stop...why...why...why...

I believe that its okay for me to have my angry moments and for me to ask why. Because ultimately I know that everything does happen for a reason. And even though God doesn't always give us the answers...He asks us to simply trust in Him. So every night before I fall asleep I pray for my future children. I pray that God will do miraculous things with our 4 remaining embryos. I choose to BELIEVE and THANK Him for the children I am yet to receive...I choose to BELIEVE before SEEING!

True faith relies on God and believes before seeing. Naturally, we want some evidence that our petition is granted before we believe, but when we "live by faith" (2 Cor 5:7), we need no evidence other than God's Word. He has spoken, and in harmony with our faith it will be done. We will see because we have believed, and true faith sustains us in the most trying of times, even when everything around us seems to contradict God's Word. The psalmist said, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living" (Ps 27:13). He had not yet seen the Lord's answer to his prayers, but he was confident he would see, and his confidence sustained him.

Faith that believes it will see, will keep us from becoming discouraged. We will laugh at seemingly impossible situations while we watch with delight to see how God is going to open a path through our Red Sea. It is in these places of severe testing, with no human way our of our difficulty, that our faith grows and is strengthened.

Dear troubled one, have you been waiting for God to work during longs nights and weary days, fearing you have been forgotten? Lift up your head and begin praising Him right now for the deliverance that is on its way to you. (Streams in the Desert)

And NEVER forget when you are weary and deliverance has not yet come...Jesus WILL carry you!!! Trust in Him who loves you more than you can even begin to imagine.

You Are Everything by Kutless

When every step is so hard to take
And all of my hope is fading away
When life is a mountain that I can not climb
You carry me, Jesus carry me.

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

When every moment is more than I can take
And all of my strength is slipping away
When every breath gets harder to breathe
You carry me, Jesus carry me

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

I need You
You are everything I need
I love everything about You

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

THANKS LACE for sending me another great song!!!

3 comments:

  1. Lifting you up in prayer my dear friend.

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  2. I remember a week that I heard that 7 pregnancy announcements after losing our girls. I laid in bed crying all week. I was so angry and I didn't understand why it couldn't be me. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this and I know that someday you will be awarded the best gift ever- taking your child home in your arms. Praying for you.

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  3. I read your blog all the time to find strength for my own struggles, which seem so trivial compared to yours.
    I think you're a bit wrong, though, in thinking fertile women can't imagine what goes on in another woman's head who struggles with infertility. For me, it's similar to hearing of parents who have lost a child. I think about how much richer my life is with my kids so to think about life without them would be horrible because I know what I'd be missing.

    I completely believe in believing before seeing and that someday you WILL have the family you're longing for. These dark days will only make the first moment you see your that precious, somewhat-slimy newborn all that much sweeter! You probably won't even mind the sliminess - ha ha! :)

    Take care - praying for you, always!
    Becky from Wisconsin (formerly of Michigan, too!)

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