Besides my regular three 8 hour shifts, my weekly counseling session, and my weekly high risk appointment...I (along with my mom, my niece Addi, my sis, and her 3 kiddos) spent an afternoon out in Grand Haven at a cottage that one of my aunts rents every year. Its not on Lake Michigan but the cottage has a pool and in my opinion that makes it just as good. We had a great day relaxing in the pool, eating good food, and catching up with family that we don't get to see too often. I also had a 2 hour work meeting that night that I made it to by the skin of my teeth. (I prefer relaxing by a pool over sitting through a meeting...wouldn't you agree)! On Thursday after a morning of relaxing (because of my awful work day on Wednesday) and a surprise visit from my sis and her 3 munchkins...I spent a ME day which included lunch at Panera Bread, a pedicure, and some shopping. That evening Brian and I headed to the Faster Pastor event at Berlin Raceway. And let me just note here that out of 60 some pastors...I'm pretty sure our Pastor was the slowest driver :) After the race (because my hunger is never quenched) we stopped to get some ice cream before heading home. On Friday night the hubster and I went on a date night to see the final installment of Harry Potter and get us some yummy grub at 84 East (can you say mmmm mmmmm GOOD!!!). And I spent all day yesterday hanging out at my sister's house with her and the kiddos since Brian and my bro-in-law worked on our basement. At night the men joined us for a tasty steak, potatoes, sweet corn, mushroom, and garlic bread dinner. All in all it was great but very busy week!!! And the coming week is looking to be just as busy.
The only downer of the week was my complete and total breakdown on Friday night. Sometimes the pain of missing Alayna and Ella is so great that it cannot be contained. I cried so hard that I fell asleep by 8:45pm because I was so exhausted from crying so much. Sometimes I feel that life would be so much easier if my two little girls were here with me (and their daddy). They would be 9 months going on 10 so life really wouldn't be easier but some days its all I can do to not wish that life had turned out differently. But then I of course feel so guilty because I have another little life growing inside of me that needs his/her mama fully focused on him/her. And back and forth my emotions go from wishing that Alayna and Ella were here to loving the life that is growing inside of me. Knowing all the while and knowing fully well that if they were here the little one inside of me would not be.
Brian and I came across the below devotional a week or so ago and it spoke right to me. Reminding me that God's grace is sufficient for ME. And that He WILL get me through to my happier days. I just need to keep believing and keep holding tight to Him who cares more for me that I can even imagine.
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW! This is not a suggestion, but a command. I divided time into days and nights, so that you would have manageable portions of life to handle. My grace is sufficient for you, but its sufficiency is for only one day at a time. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. You stagger under this heavy load, which I never intended you to carry.
Throw off this oppressive burden with one quick thrust of trust. Anxious thoughts meander about and crisscross in your brain, but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence. As you thus affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly. Enjoy My Presence continually by trusting Me at all times. (Jesus Calling)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor. 12:9