Monday, November 21, 2011

Don't Ever Give Up

"See You" 
by Josh Wilson


Three months old, hospital bed
Fighting hard for every breath
The doctor says, there's not much chance
Mom breaks down, oh, once again

And I don't know, how I'm supposed
To see You standing here
Somewhere in this mother's tears
She cries because her nightmare's coming true

Maybe my faith's not that strong
Jesus, tell me that I'm wrong
But there's so much pain in this room
And I don't see You...

...Maybe my faith's not that strong
Jesus, tell me that I'm wrong
But there's so much pain in this room
And I don't see You, oh

Sometimes I want to turn my back
Shake my fists and run so fast
From everything I ever have believed
But on the darkest days I won't let go
It will still be well within my soul
Even when the answers don't come easily
'Cause You said You'd never leave

So I know You're standing here
You've been crying these same tears
Yeah, You've been here all along
So give me strength to just hold on
Until I see You, until I see You
Until I see You, until I see You

I heard this song at Bible Study a few weeks ago and even though it doesn't apply as much to my life currently...it sure did a year and a half ago. Thankfully though, even when I was given no answers as to why I had to do IVF, why my little girls had to die, why I had to have a IVF failed cycle when I so desperately wanted to be pregnant, and why I had to lose Luke...Jesus was always right there holding me up...giving me the strength to push forward. And here we are 5 weeks (or less) from delivering our (4th) little miracle. And I am beyond thankful that this little miracle is going to stay here with his or her mommy and daddy!!! 

And when I think back to different times when different people told me that maybe God had other plans for our life (plans of not being Earthly parents)...my answer to them was always the same...that if God's plan is not for me to be an Earthly mommy (and for Brian to be an Earthly daddy) then He will change my heart and as you can tell He never did. I so badly wanted to be an Earthly mommy and I always believed that it WOULD happen. And the constant encouragement from my mom and sister (that it WOULD happen) always gave me the strength to push forward. So moral of the story BELIEVE that your little miracle WILL happen too!!!

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