Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Different Experience

The closer I get to my due date the more I start thinking about the girl's delivery. How I never got to see their beautiful eyes. How I never heard them cry. How we walked out of the hospital with empty arms. How hard that drive home was...tears streaming down my cheeks wishing it was all just a bad dream. 

I've been told that Bug's delivery will be bittersweet. And I believe it. I cannot even watch a baby story anymore without tearing up during the delivery. Oh what a miracle it is. I just know I will be bawling when I hear that first cry. When I see my sweet Buggy (hopefully eyes wide open). When I hold my sweet Buggy (this healthy take-home baby) that I have prayed and prayed and prayed for. What an amazing (but very emotional) day it will be!!! I am SO ready for this new journey. And I am SO ready to put the last 9 months of stress and anxiety behind me (and I welcome the stress and anxiety of a newborn). I welcome the sleepless nights with my sweet baby because nothing could ever compare to the sleepless nights filled with nightmares after losing the girls (and after finding out we had lost Luke). 

Footprints On Our Hearts
These tiny sets of footprints is all we have of you. When you were taken from us, our hopes and dreams were too. We miss you oh so much, our precious little ones. Our lives are filled with sadness now, instead of filled with joy. 

Our arms are empty; our eyes are filled with tears. You were what we'd waited for, for oh so many years. You were so very beautiful; perfect hands and feet, tiny nose and eyes. What we would have given though, just to hear you cry.

Coming home without you wasn't what we'd dreamed.  Looking at your empty room makes me want to scream. We had so many plans for you, so many things to do. Now we're left with shattered dreams, crying without you.

We wish you could have stayed with us; we loved you from the start. Now all we have are memories, and your footprints on our hearts.

-Author Unknown


  1. It will be an emotional time. I remember when I first heard Megyn's cry and looked into her beautiful eyes...I tear just thinking about it. My heart is overjoyed for you and Brian as you welcome your miracle into your lives.

  2. I've been thinking about you a lot lately for this exact reason. I imagine I will (hopefully) some day feel the same way. So much love and joy over new life, but at the same time mourning that you never got to experience these things with your angel babies. Many, MANY prayers these next few weeks.

    So incredibly excited for you!!!

  3. I have no doubt you will have a wide range of emotions from elation to sorrow over those you lost. Thinking of you as you get oh so close to meeting your precious babe!

  4. I am anxiously awaiting the moment when you give birth to your sweet healthy baby! I am praying for you!