With a broken heart I yet again announce that Brian and I have lost another precious life. In the days to come I will give more details of our journey to baby #5 but for now just a few details. Yesterday I was 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant. We had a rough start to this pregnancy (yes it was another IVF pregnancy) but at 6 weeks 3 days and 7 weeks 3 days we saw a perfect little baby with a strong heartbeat. We were cautiously optimistic but the news did start spreading due to some of the issues early on. (And when I say early on I mean issues started already at 4 weeks 1 day). Well yesterday I started spotting again so I immediately called my RE and they squeezed me in for an afternoon ultrasound. Unfortunately my doctor was in surgery for the afternoon so his partner (who is also great) performed the ultrasound. Immediately both Brian and I could tell that there once again was no heartbeat. Baby measured perfectly for a 8 week 1 day fetus so I probably lost the baby yesterday or the night before.
It sucks to be going through this again. Especially because losing this baby opens up a whole can of questions. We honestly don't know where we are going to go from here but we are trusting that God will guide us and when we are too weak he will carry us to our answers. As I have said before and I will say it again. Loss is hard. No way about it. But always and forever I would rather have had this little life for the time I had than to never have had this life at all. In my heart I believe very strongly that one day I will meet this sweet baby along with his/her big brother and sisters. Eternity is FOREVER. Earth is actually just a blink of the eye. And to think I will be surrounded by 4 beautiful children when I get to heaven's gates is enough to keep my faith strong. I still believe that Jesus has a plan for our life here. And to be honest I believe that includes another earthly child. If it truly doesn't then God WILL change my heart. But for now we will persevere in our faith.
Today I am BEYOND thankful for my miracle boy Mason Dale. Every day he is becoming more and more of a miracle. I am blessed beyond measure to have him in my life. I am blessed beyond measure to be married to my best friend. I am blessed beyond measure to have the support of such wonderful family and friends. Thank you in advance for all the love and prayers!!! Even through such sadness God is always GOOD!!!
Boulder Ridge Zoo
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