Monday, June 30, 2014

Happy Birthday Ella Adrianna

Happy 4th Birthday sweet girl. Can't believe its been four years since we last kissed your sweet face...
 Four years since we last held you in our arms...
Miss you everyday. Miss you in every way.
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you
We will hold you...
(Excerpt from Glory Baby)

Thursday, June 26, 2014

{Molly} Six Months

Stats: Will update after her 6 month well-child check up (which isn't until July 1) but for guessing sake...I'm thinking very upper 16 pound range.

*Update on 7/1...Molly weighed 16 pounds 1 ounce (60th%) and measured 25.75 inches long (50th%).
Sizes: Just after Molly turned 5 months I moved all of the 6-12 and 9 month hand-me-downs (from my sister) into Molly's "wear section." I needed some cooler summer clothes for her with the warmer temps. And then a couple weeks later I decided to pack up her 6 month wardrobe and "introduce" her to her (6-12/ 9 month) wardrobe. So she is now wearing 9 months, 9-12 months, or 6-12 months...depending on the name brand. (Some of its a little big. Her 6 month clothes did still fit afterall but I wanted her to get use out of her summer wardrobe so the switch was made). And at 5 and a half months I switched her to size 3 Kirkland brand diapers.
Food: Molly still gets booby milk from the boob the five days of the week that I am home...every 2-4 hours. And when I'm at work she takes four 4.5oz bottles of thawed breastmilk and occasionally needs another 2-3oz of my pumped milk (from my morning pumping session) to finish her off at end the day. And if she wakes during the night (5:30am IS still the middle of the night) then she breastfeeds once on my working days as well. I only pump on my non-working days if I have plans to go away and she is due to eat while I am gone. I do still pump 5 times on my working days (once before work, three times at work, and once when I get home).

Molly tried rice cereal for the first time at 5 months. She was NOT a fan. Nor was she the next day...nor the get the picture. So after a few days of plain ole rice cereal I added in some applesauce. At first she seemed kinda interested but then she made it obvious that she was not. So next I tried plain applesauce. She made the funniest (its sour mom) face EVER. I'm thinking it was too sweet.  So a few days later I tried carrots. Again not a fan. She just spits it back out (pushes it with her tongue) the moment we attempt to put it in. After a week of this I started to dread feeding her so we took a week break. When we resumed it was with oatmeal cereal with a hint of applesauce and peaches. She still pushes most of it out but seems to like it better than the plain rice. We've also tried bananas...that came back out too. Agh...
Routine: On a good night Molly goes to bed between 8 and 8:30. But if were out and about its more like 9/9:30...a little later than we like but its summer afterall. She still wakes once a night most nights (around 5:30). Maybe twice a week she sleeps through the night!!! Love those nights but then "morning" comes around 6:30am. (This momma prefers 7am or after)!!! She's been wakes for the day typically around 8/8:30...and makes it 2-2.5 hours before her first nap. She'll nap 1-2 hours. Be up another 2-2.5 hours and then go down for her second nap of the day. Nap for another 1-2 hours. And then normally she can make it until bedtime with only a third 20-30 minute nap. More often than not she goes down like an angel.
Developmental Milestones: Girlfriend started scooting while on her back at 5 months. Started sitting just after 5 months and was basically a pro a week later at 5 and a half months!!! And Miss Molly became a rolling machine (back to belly). First roll (back to belly) was June 11. However, rolling over (belly to back) is WAY over-rated. She's rolled three times (belly to back). All 3 rolls occurred the same night (May 12) but ever since has shown no interest in rolling belly to back again.
Loves: Molly loves playing with mommy's hair!!! Molly loves sucking her toes!!! Molly loves jumping in her jump-a-roo!!! Molly loves standing with lots of help!!! Molly is starting to love her paci!!! And Molly loves sitting like a big girl...(she thinks she is BIG stuff)!!!
Dislikes: Molly dislikes being on her tummy (unless she's sleeping and doesn't know that she is on her belly). Doesn't even like tummy to tummy time with mommy. Try to rock her tummy to tummy over your shoulder...and she wants nothing to do with it. Molly is also not always a fan of her car seat....(and she most definitely lets us know when she wants OUT)!!!
Other Things I Don't Want To Forget:
  • You helped Daddy celebrate another Father's Day!!!
  • You are SUCH an easy laid back baby. Smiley as all get out!!! And everyone still comments on how great your hair is!!!
  • Molly started sleeping with her blankie just after she turned 5 months. One night it was the only thing that would comfort her. She just clung to it. So ever since we let her sleep with it (both for naps and night time). At first I was a little nervous but I figure its small enough that she cannot get wrapped in it and she is really good at rolling side to side (just not completely over). Happy girl = happy mommy (and daddy)!!!
  • You love sleeping on your side or belly.
  • Mommy painted your toe nails for the very first time this month!!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Ten On Wednesday

1. Someone had a blast at Aunt Courtney's pool last week...
And since it was a cousin AND papa (and grandma) pool day and since we didn't get a grandkid pic on Father's Day...we snapped this gem.
Kylynn, Cambrey, Easton, Cole, Addi, Papa, Brinley, and Mason...just missing the 3 youngest.

2. Brian plays in a Monday night softball league. With two littles I don't watch much of the game...(hard to imagine right)? Instead we play (and play hard) at the park...
3. How Mason "shops" at Old Navy.
4. I finally (after almost 4 months) got my hair cut last week and I finally used my Design One giftcard (for a massage) from Christmas later that same night. It was a great day!!! Now for that pedicure...

5. I made strawberry jam with my mom last week. Can you say Y-U-M!!!
6. My girlfriend Janna was in town last week (from Ohio) and believe it or not we found a day where it worked for all 7 of us to get together for a playdate!!! SO MUCH FUN!!! Crazy that between the 7 of us we have 14 kids with another on the way...all 4 and under...
Front: Rachel with Jude, Rhys, and Wells (4, 2 and a half, 6 mons), Gretchen with Levi (20 mons), Me with Mason and Molly (2 and a half and 6 mons).
Back: Krista with Harris (3 weeks), Janna with Ezra, Josiah, and Naomi (4, 3, almost 2), Melissa with Cohen and Lawson (3 and 1 and a half...pregnant with baby #3), Karie with Tenley and Quinn (20 mons and 2 weeks).
Rach, Krista, Karie, and I were all pregnant together with these beautiful babes!!! Molly (12/26/13), Wells (12/30/13), Harris (5/26/14), and Quinn (6/6/14)
Holding hands...too sweet!!! Too bad they're cousins!

7. I've told a story or two before about how Dutch I am and here's another. Mason's Lightning McQueen car had been missing for a day or two. It was starting to bother me cause the kid is obsessed with his Cars cars. Finally one morning I went in full FIND LIGHTNING MODE. I looked under, in, and behind couches and chairs both upstairs and down. I tore apart our beds and looked underneath them. I looked in our bathrooms, showers, and tubs. I looked in my vehicle. Under the kitchen table. In registers. And as a last ditch effort under the oven...and low and behold there he was!!! Can you say TEN lives?!

8. I found this verse when looking through old blog posts...

But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones. 
Isaiah 30:18

Oh yes those who wait around for Him ARE most definitely the lucky ones!!!
9. I also found this little blurb. Written shortly after the girl's passing...

There is a reason God changed my assignment. My initial assignment was to deliver two healthy baby girls in October but instead God reassigned me to deliver two beautiful baby girls in June. For some reason God needed two more angels. Why were my girls the chosen ones? I have no answer besides; God must have thought they were pretty special! I could be angry at God for this change in assignment. Turn away from Him. Question how He could take away the babies I had fought and PRAYED so hard for. But I trust Him. I know His promises. He will not fail me.  And even in my sadness I know He is near!

And fail me He most definitely did NOT.
10. And finally I found this picture with the following written..."Oh and today I picked up my girls beautifully embroidered blankets that a wonderful lady named Brenda embroidered for me." 
And underneath I had written..."Now if Brian and I are someday blessed with another daughter...she will get to use her big sister's blankets!" Pretty sure I need to pull these blankets out and start putting them to good use. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Happy Birthday Alayna Joy

How can it be four years already since we last held you in our arms? It feels like it was just yesterday...
Little girl our love for you will never fade. Hoping you have the bestest birthday yet up in Heaven!!!
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live my (our) heart(s)!

Friday, June 20, 2014

Four Years Later

June 2010 seems so long ago. Yet at the same time it doesn't. I remember the fear, the anxiety, the intense sadness, the loneliness of that summer as if it were yesterday. If I let myself go back it's still fresh in my mind. It still hurts. 
But then I fast forward to today and I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade a single moment, event, or day of that summer (or of my life). Because every moment, every event, every day led me to where I am at today. The Earthly mother to two beautiful children. Lamentations 3:22-23 says it perfectly..."Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfullness."  
If we could see beyond today
As God can see;
If all the clouds should roll away,
The shadows flee;
O'er present griefs we would not fret.
Each sorrow we would soon forget,
For many joys are waiting yet
For you and me.
If we could know beyond today
As God does know,
Why dearest treasures pass away
And tears must flow;
And why the darkness leads to light,
Why dreary paths will soon grow bright;
Some day life's wrongs will be made right,
Faith tells us so.
"If we could see, if we could know,"
We often say,
But God in love a veil does throw
Across our way;
We cannot see what lies before,
So we cling to Him the more,
He leads us till this life is o'er;
Trust and obey.
(Streams in the Desert)

Our trials are great opportunities, but all too often we simply see them as large obstacles.  If only we would recognize every difficult situation as something God has chosen to prove His love to us, each obstacle would then become a place of shelter and rest, and a demonstration to others of His inexpressible power...We must trust the Lord through the darkness, and honor Him with unwavering confidence even in the midst of difficult situations.  The reward of this kind of faith will be like that of an eagle shedding its feathers is said to receive-a renewed sense of youth and strength. (J.R. Macduff)

I am so thankful we trusted the Lord through the darkness. Honored him with unwavering (most of the time) confidence even in the midst of our infertility battle and the loss of our daugthers and the two children we never met. Because the reward we've been given (the gift of Mason and Molly) shows me not only God's faithfullness but also His great LOVE. Four years ago I was home on bedrest. Five days past when the horror story began. Four days from deliverying my first child. Four years later I am the mother to six beautiful children. Four that I have given birth to. Two that I carried inside me for a very short time. And of those six TWO that I get the privilege to raise here on Earth. Thank you Jesus!!!

Yesterday I made some jam with my mom and we started talking about the events of four years ago. I started crying because I DO still miss them. I DO still wonder about them. Who would they look like? Whose personality would they have? (Looking at pictures I kinda think Molly might have resembaled Ella). But then I said something to my mom that I know I've said on here before. If I hadn't lossed them Molly would never have been and maybe not Mason either. And I cannot even begin to imagine my life without them. They way I think about it is that my time here on Earth missing them is just a blink of an eye but when I (and Brian, Mason, & Molly) get to Heaven we will ALL (with Alayna, Ella, Luke, and "Blake") be together forever and ever and ever...I can wait but also can't wait for that day. The day I can wrap my arms around all my children.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Ten On Tuesday

1. One day last week Mason was (noticeably) working on a I picked him up and ran to the bathroom. Unfortunately I was too late for a large turd had already escaped his buns! His response...I touch. I said no its ucky. His next response...I TOUCH FROG. Seriously?!? The kid thought his poop (maybe a touch on the green side) was a FROG.

2. Enjoying her first licks of a popsicle(s)...
(Had to try dad AND moms)!!!

3. These 2 make my heart SO incredibly HAPPY (especially as we head towards the end of this bittersweet month)...
4. Most Sundays (in the late afternoon) we head over to Brian's parent's house to enjoy a little sun and beach fun. I found these on Brian's phone from a few weeks ago...
3 Generations of Helmholdt men
Me and my favorite lil lady!!!

5. Rain...check. Umbrellas...check. Rain boots...check.
6. Someone thinks she's big stuff...
7. How comfortable does this look?! (Random 5am picture).
8. On Saturday night we celebrated Father's Day with my we celebrated my dad and two of my nephew's birthdays!!! My parent's live on a lake so much of the night was spent in or by the water. (Of course I didn't take Mason's suit). And of course I didn't take a picture of Mase on his first boat ride of the season.
Cousin pic minus the two littles...obviously Mase wasn't in the mood!
But a few minutes later he was ALL smiles. Crazy kid!!!
9. I HAD to snap a picture before heading off to church Sunday morning....
(These two have most definitely been blessed with an amazing hands on daddy!!! They love him SO much)!

We went to my brother and sis-in-law's church since my nephew Connor got baptized. Sadly no picutes were taken of him or of my dad and the kids (again since I did not take any Saturday night either). It was so chaotic and crazy that taking pictures just went out the window. After a nice lunch at my bro and sis-in-law's house we headed home for naps. And per our usual we headed over to my in-law's house after nap time. (Guess I just stink at picture taking this whole weekend because I didn't take one of my father-in-law with the kids either). But I did snap these...
We left my in-law's house around 7pm and made two more quick stops. Houseman's (for ice cream) and the cemetery.
10. Mason sleep update: A week ago we started Mason back on claritan and flonase. And already what a difference we have seen. The boy sleeps WAY better. Occasionally he still makes his way into our bed in the middle of the night but most nights (fingers crossed I don't jinx this) he sleeps in his own bed either all night or til 6ish in the morning. We do still lie with him at night in HIS bed to get him to go to sleep. Although sometimes tedious...I figure he won't want us to lie with him for now I (we) will treasure the snuggle time!  And he takes his daily nap in our bed. I prefer the 2ish hours in our bed versus the maybe an hour he was taking in his.