Pray without Ceasing

My Crafty Side

2012-03-05T09:10:00.003-05:00

A few weeks back when Brian and I were at a friend's house I saw a tag blanket that our friend had just made for her husband. After seeing it I decided to make one for Brian with Michigan fleece fabric on one side and NY Yankees fleece fabric on the other. (His two favorite teams).

The finished product!!!

When I went to pick out the fabric for Brian's blanket (at one of my favorite stores...Hobby Lobby) I saw a tag blanket on display with Michigan fabric on one side and Michigan State fabric on the other. I thought it would be the perfect baby gift for my brother (a Michigan fan) and his wife's (a State fan) baby boy (due in approx 6 weeks). However, when I mentioned this to my mom...she said that someone had already made them a blanket like that. So much for my good idea. Instead, I decided to make Mason a blanket too...an ALL Michigan blanket (no State fans in this house).

My boys on their Michigan blankets.

Oh how I LOVE this face!!!

Perfectly sized for my little man!

Our Week (Last Week)

2012-03-04T18:41:00.001-05:00

Last week was a slow week for us. Since the weather was a little yucky Mason and I pretty much stayed home. Neither of us left the confines of our house on Thursday or Saturday. Only I left Monday (to run some errands) and Wednesday (to go to Bible Study). Which means Mason only left the house a mere 3 times last week :) Sunday he went to church and then lunch at Gpa and Gma V's, Tuesday was his ~~lovely~~ doctor appointment, and on Friday he got to go to the Kroc Center with his cousins (oh and he got to run a few errands with mom and dad at night).

On Thursday Mason chilled in his bumbo for the very first time!!! He really dislikes tummy time and since his neck is already pretty strong...I thought why not continue to strengthen the neck muscles this way instead.

Just chilling!!!

When we stay home all day long...we stay in our PJ's...don't you!

Just relaxing!!!

Like I mentioned above Mason and I went to the Kroc Center on Friday (with my mom, my sister, and all of my nieces and nephews). This was Mason's first (of many) big excursion with all of his cousins!!! I won't say he had a blast but his cousins sure did. We're hoping to go back during Springbreak so my sis-in-law can join in on all the fun...she's a teacher so she was (obviously) at work. But since my mom was watching her kiddos she thought that it would be a fun excursion for all the cousins and she was right!!! And a trip to McDonald's afterwards made it that much better!

Cousins (clockwise)...Mason, Cole, Addi, Cambrey, Kylynn,

Brinley, and Easton

The eldest...Kylynn, Cambrey, and Addisyn

The boys...Mason, Easton, and Cole

Isn't he too cute!

This little stinker was SUCH a daredevil...this is the deep end but he didn't care. And just so you all know I cut my mom out of the picture...she was right next to him! She told me the next day that she was sore from chasing him all around :)

One of the cutest daredevils I know!!!

Mason's first time in a pool.

All fun and games until ~~someone~~ Mason gets splashed ;)

All tuckered out while his cousins continued to play!

Two Months

2012-02-28T21:45:00.000-05:00

Happy 2 Months Sweet Boy!!!

Stats: At today's appointment Mason weighed in at 13lbs 2oz and measured 23 and 1/4 inches long...which puts him in the 75th percentile for both height and weight. His head was 16 inches round...which puts him in the 90th percentile. Guess he has a bigger than average head :)

His belly ain't tiny folks!!!

Sizes: Mason currently fits perfectly into his 3 month clothing. He's starting to outgrow some of his 0-3 month clothes and is just starting to wear some of his 3-6 month...it just depends on the name brand. And my little guy is still wearing size 1 diapers.

A 3-6 month outfit!!!

Food: Mason is still on a strict booby milk diet. No supplemental formula as of yet. And on a pumping note...once I hit the 4 week mark I thought I better start pumping not only for a night time bottle but also to get a supply of breast milk going in the freezer (for when I go back to work). So now I typically try to pump 3-4 times a day...(2-3 of the pumpings occur right after a feeding...with the last pumping taking place around 10pm. I always get a good amount out at this pumping since Mason hasn't been on the boob for a good 3-4 hours at this point). I still only pump for about 5-7 minutes (per time) and generally end up with his night time bottle (of 4-4.5oz) as well as 5-10oz to put in the freezer.

Mason's give me booby face :)

Routine: I am pretty relaxed and just go with the flow so we don't have much of a day schedule. If I have to run errands...I do. If I have an appointment I feed him before I go (even if he ate just an hour before). I feed on demand...when he wants it...he (most of the time) gets it. He naps whenever he wants. He gets a bath every 2-3 days.

However, we do have a little bit of a bedtime routine. Between 5 and 8 weeks he had a pretty set pattern of eating a 4oz bottle between 9 and 11pm, falling asleep between 9:30 and 11:30pm, waking between 4 and 4:30am to breastfeed for about 15 minutes, waking again (to BF) between 7 and 7:30am, up for an hour to an hour and a half, and then he would take his first nap of the day for an hour or so...a nice little pattern if you ask me!!! But as of 8 weeks old it got even better!!! Mason now gets a 4.5oz bottle between 8 and 9:30pm and then generally falls asleep between 9 and 10:30pm. And as of (8 weeks and 3 days old) he sleeps ALL NIGHT LONG!!! On his first full night of sleep (which occurred on February 24) he slept from 10:30pm until 7am and on his second night of full sleep...he slept from 9:30pm until 7:30am!!! First on Mason's agenda after waking is eating (of course), then hanging out with mom for an hour or so before taking an hour (or so) nap.

Developmental Milestones: At 5 weeks old Mason really started smiling. Oh how I just LOVE his little smile!!! He loves (and I mean really loves) smiling at his momma...although daddy can get some good smiles too!!! Smiles definitely come easiest in the morning or right after waking from a nap. Around 7 or 8 weeks old Mason started cooing. And just like I love his little smiles...I love his little coo's. So precious. He also started reaching (maybe subconsciously but reaching nevertheless) around 8 weeks. And he can hold his head up for small amounts of time now too. He's getting so big!!!

Holding up his own head.

Loves: Mason still loves his hands. If I cover him (hands included) with a blanket...within seconds he will pop his hands out. Typically his hands end up right by his face...although he does like to lay with his arms/hands hanging above his head too. Mason also thoroughly enjoys his tongue. He's always "playing" with it. He also loves sleeping, tooting, and pooping really loudly. And did I mention that the boy ~~likes~~ loves to eat!!! Hence his awesome weight gain.

I love my tongue...

And guess what...he actually doesn't mind bathtime anymore!!! Around 5 weeks I stopped giving him sponge baths and started filling his tub with warm water instead. And he hasn't cried once since this change was implemented!

Two loves...fingers and bathtime

Oh sweet boy!!!

Dislikes: There are not too many things Mason dislikes. At 1 month old he didn't like his swing. Not true anymore. At 1 month old he didn't like bath time. Not true anymore. At 1 month old he didn't like to burp. ~~Not true anymore.~~ Well actually he picks and chooses when he wants to burp...although he now gets gas drops quite regularly throughout the day when he refuses to burp. If he's sleeping (meaning if he falls asleep on the boob or bottle) it's not even worth burping him...he's dead to the world. So burping is the only thing he kinda dislikes!

Other Things I Don't Want to Forget:

You typically only poop once or twice a day. (And then you go and poop 4 times today)!!!
You sweat like your daddy :) Sometimes you're "damp" when we take you out of your car sear (if you've been in there too long).
Mommy cut your fingernails for the first time at 8 weeks and 4 days old. Those suckers were getting way too sharp.
You are quite the wiggle worm. Right before falling asleep is the worst...you constantly shift your head back and forth...and you like to throw a head butt in here and there.
You burp better on mommy's lap versus over my shoulder but burping you on my lap can be a challenge at times due to your fidgetiness.
You have a pretty fierce kick for a 2 month old!!!
You are still quite the grunter and fidgeter before pooping. But you also grunt a lot in your sleep.
You still sleep in mommy and daddy's bedroom. Mommy loves having you right beside her!!! One of the many reasons is because if you stir in the middle of the night...all I have to do is reach over and pop in your paci and you go right back to sleep.
Mommy left you for the first time on February 15. (I went to Bible Study). The only other time mommy left you was about a week later and it was only for 20 minutes and you were with grandma V. Mommy does NOT like leaving you. Going back to work is going to be rough on mommy...
You had your first explosive poop on February 21. (at Grandma V's house). It was all.up.your.back. Thankfully grandma had an extra onesie for you to put on.

Heading home pantless thanks to a dirty diaper.

Your last physical therapy appointment (for your tordicollis) was February 22. You went a total of 7 times. You loved getting your neck/head stretched the first 6 visits. However, the last visit didn't go so well...you cried the whole time.

You and "Uncle Todd"...(your physical therapist)

Today's appointment was a bit rough (and long). The office was busy so we had to wait in the waiting room for a good 30 minutes before being called back. During that 30 minute wait Mason decided to poop. Normally he does NOT like to sit in his poop but he did really good waiting it out.

Then during Dr. M's assessment he saw some pockets of white gunk on Mason's penis...(I don't know how else to explain it). I had noticed the white gunk this weekend when I was giving him a bath but after much scrubbing (which resulted in a very red penis) it look like it was just attached to his penis so I stopped monkeying around with it. But it was in fact not a part of his penis :)

Anyways Dr. M first took a Q-tip to his little peter and removed all the pockets of white gunk but there were also 3 adhesions which was why the white gunk/pus was staying put. Boy oh boy did Mase ever cry. Then Dr. M told me I had two options. 1) He could lidocaine the penis (which would consist of 2 shots) and then snip the 3 adhesions with a scissor or 2) We wait until his 4 month appointment. But Dr. M said the adhesions would only grow thicker and Mason would at some point end up at a Urologist office for a more invasive procedure. I chose option one to just get it over with. Dr. M said thats the choice he would make too if it was his child. He explained that it was nothing we nor the doctor who performed his circumcision did...just the way it healed. He said it was actually very common.

So after Dr. M Q-tipped all the gunk out we had to wait for him to grab the lidocaine. During this time I was able to calm Mase down. Then Dr. M came back and gave Mason two shots...which of course led to more screaming. I had just gotten him calmed down (again) when two nurses came in to give him his immunizations (5 IM shots and 1 oral vaccination...yikes)!!! They were super quick about it but of course this led to more screaming. Again as we waited for Dr. M to come back to cut the adhesions I calmed Mason down. But as soon as the first snip took place...Mason started screaming again. I felt so bad for my little guy but I also didn't want to leave him so I endured it all. After everything was done I asked if I could quick nurse him to calm him down (it also had been 4 hours since he last ate so he was h-u-n-g-r-y)...so thats just what I did and then we were finally (2 hours and 15 minutes later) out the door. I thought Mason would be a little fussy tonight but he's been his normal little self. So proud of my little man!!!

We talked a little bit about his tordicollis and his hydronephrosis. As for the tordicollis Dr. M wants me to continue doing head/neck stretches at home since (although improved) Mason still favors one side. And we will reevaluate if he needs more PT at his 4 month check-up. As for the hydronephrosis I was wrong in stating that he no longer has it. He still has grade 2 hydronephrosis...just no reflux. All this means is that Mason will have to have yearly ultrasounds until it resolves. It could resolve at any time but typically sometime before age 6. So in a long nutshell...that's my boys story...thus far!!!

Nursery Tour (Take 2)

2012-02-27T21:19:00.001-05:00

Tonight the final piece of artwork was (finally) hung up in ~~Buggy~~ Mason's nursery which means the nursery is officially complete!!!

The view when you enter Mason's room.

The black knobs are new on his changing table...I love 'em!!!

Buggy's ultrasound picture was replaced :)

The bookshelf filled up nicely. And the laundry and toy baskets came out of the closet.

Mason's name and artwork on the wall behind the rocker are both new additions.

Close-Up of the new addition.

Close-Up of the new additions.

(The elephant picture says...First we had each other, Then we had you, Now we have everything).

Bedding and 1 Samuel 1:27 phrase

Full shot of just the crib and bedding.

Closet and yet another new addition to the wall.

Close-Up of the new addition.

Oh yeah...its a BOY closet!!!

Short and Random

2012-02-27T13:45:00.002-05:00

Happy 2 Months To My Sweet Baby BOY!!!

(I will put up a 2 month post tomorrow after his doctor appointment).

Just got a call this morning that Mason's VCUG came back NORMAL!!! So very thankful!!!
We had a busy weekend. We celebrated baby boy Vugteveen's upcoming arrival on Friday night. And on Saturday night we celebrated my sweet niece Addi's 4th birthday!!!

All ready for cousin Addi's birthday party!

Kylynn, the birthday princess Addi, and Cambrey

On Saturday afternoon we I organized our storage rooms. When we started finishing the basement things just got thrown into both rooms so now that the basement is (mostly) finished I wanted to organized the rooms. And organize I did!!!

Oh I love to organize!!!

Oh and a day last week I went to my mom's house and my sister happened to be there too. When I saw what Brinley was wearing I HAD to snap a picture...

Then Cambrey had to hang on to baby Mason which meant Cole wanted in on the action too so we threw Brinley in and snapped a picture of all 4...

Will It Never Not Hurt

2012-02-24T12:02:00.000-05:00

Last night while on Facebook I came across a baby announcement...a coworker of mine just found out (at what I believe was her 20 week ultrasound) that she is having twins...and twin girls at that. I read it to Brian and asked him...will it never not hurt? And he said probably not. Twin boys don't bother me. Boy/girl twins don't bother me. But it always stings when I hear of someone having twin girls.

But it pry doesn't help that today marks the two year anniversary of finding out we were pregnant with the girls. Yep...me and dates...I don't forget 'em. But February 24, 2010 was one of the best days of my life so why would I ever forget it.

Anyways here's a picture of my cutie pa-tootie...

who always brings a smile to my face!!!

VCUG Update

2012-02-22T16:08:00.001-05:00

Just got back from Mason's VCUG procedure and very happy to say that my little boy is such an angel!!! He didn't make a peep...not even when they stuck the catheter in his lil peter. He just stared at his mommy and sucked on his paci. The peeps doing the procedure couldn't believe how good he was! Anyways the tech that did the procedure asked if we had any questions and I said no. But she did say that from what she could tell it didn't look like he had much if any reflux (YEA!!!) but that the radiologist would have the final say. She also said that he would read it today yet and that within 24-48 hours Mason's PCP would have the results. So here's to hoping we hear something by Friday.

Some Updates

2012-02-21T18:43:00.000-05:00

6 Week Post-partum Check-Up News
I can't believe I didn't share my wonderful news (from 2 weeks ago)!!! At my 6 week post-partum check-up guess what my blood pressure was...wait for it...112/72!!! Holy smokes...it hasn't been that low in ages! After seeing how excellent it was Dr. J asked me when my next regular (primary care) doctor appointment was and it just so happened that it was (or is) scheduled for early March. So because it was in March Dr J said to stop taking my blood pressure pills about 2 weeks prior to the appointment. And then he is going to leave it up to my PCP to decide whether I need to be put back on something or not. Not going to lie though...after my 6 week check-up I stopped taking my night dose of labetalol. (I hated remembering to take it twice a day. Nurses are the worst at following directions :o))

Mason's Kidney Business Update
We go in tomorrow for Mason's VCUG. And then we should get the results within a day or two after his appointment.

Basement Update
We are almost finished (finally!!!) with our basement. We started the whole process last May (about a week after the BFP) but decided early on to just take our time and take our time we did. Carpet was installed (3 days before baptism) so now the only things left to do are counter tops and plumbing. Oh and Brian is going to do a row of tile above the counter in the bar area. As for furnishing the basement...we went couch shopping this weekend...and purchased one yesterday!!! We got an awesome deal on it and it was just what we wanted. Now just shopping around for bar stools, a serving tray to set on the ottoman (so peeps have something to set their drinks on), blinds, curtains (for in front of the door), and throw pillows. Wall decorations will have to wait. Although the hubby has done a little wall decorating of his own already...when I take some pictures you will totally know what I mean :o). We plan on moving our upstairs entertainment center downstairs along with the T.V. which means we need to shop around for a smaller T.V. and stand to put upstairs. But we're trying to keep everything in a reasonable price range which means we're in no hurry. So yeah stay tuned for pictures once everything is complete!!!

How To "Be There" For Your Friend (who lost a child)

2012-02-15T10:23:00.001-05:00

Katie from Katie's Keepers wrote such a beautiful post the other day that I just had to share (~~some~~ most of it)...

This has been on my mind for a long time now, and it's time to step out in faith and write about it.

Sometimes I get asked, "What can I do for my friend who just lost her baby? I hurt for them so badly, but I have no idea what to do or say..."

Everyone is so different in their grief, so I'm by no means speaking for every woman. From what I've observed though there are several common themes among families who have lost children.

Of course you know your friend the best so think about what she likes or what would mean a lot to her. Make whatever you do personal and unique to her and her family.

Start a name gallery for them...

Make a meal for them one night and/or organize friends to bring them meals for a few weeks. Our church had two people deliver the meals so we didn't have to deal with seeing a lot of people. This was a wonderful thing.

Be there be there be there. Do not shy away. My friends wanted to be there for me so badly but had no clue what to do. They felt helpless, but there really is a lot you can do.

Hug, cry with them, listen, and let them say anything to you. Their emotions are everywhere and will be for a long time. You feel such loss for your friend. Tell her this.

Be there with them in their pain. It's a hard place to be but this is where they need you. Remember right now to them their lives are over. They have lost their most precious treasure.

Music was very healing to me. I received a few Cds like Selah's "You Deliver Me" and Steven Curtis Chapman's "Beauty Will Rise." They are wonderful! I also love Kari Jobe's music.

Several friends sent me cards with Scripture on them. I still have them up in my bedroom and use some of them as bookmarks...

I received jewelry with Reese's name or initials on it. I wear something almost every day that connects with Reese in some way. A charm necklace or a bracelet is a good idea.

Those close to me shared what the LORD was teaching them through our loss. Your friend will be seeking truth, and GOD's word is the only thing that will provide this.

Do NOT EVER EVER say, "Everything happens for a reason or good will come from this." It is not comforting to anyone and usually just shuts people down. Some things should just be left to the LORD to instill in hearts. I'm SO thankful no one said this to me.

Do NOT say, "GOD never promised an easy life." Unfortunately people did say this to me, and all I could think was, "I never said He did."

Let them know you will always remember her sweet babies. Did she name them? Did you see pictures? Say their names often. I know this can feel strange, but to them it isn't I promise.

Talk about how handsome/beautiful he/she was (if you saw them or pictures), and how special they are...

Affirm what wonderful parents they are to their babies.

Call, text, or email every day or every other day just to say I love you. Send a card in the mail to let them know you are thinking of them.

Remember every month the exact day their baby was born and passed away (especially the first year) and let them know you are thinking of them. Donate to something important to you in their honor.

Always be available. This was one of the most important things to me. Several people offered to go to lunch or coffee. Know your friend may not ever accept, but it's still important. Just knowing people are there gives some security.

I hope this helps! All of these things validate the precious life that is in Heaven. Follow your heart as you know your friend. They need family and friends now more than ever.

I couldn't have said it any better!!! Thanks Katie!!!

Happy LOVE Day

2012-02-14T22:03:00.001-05:00

Even though Mason and I didn't do ~~anything~~ much today he still wore his special Valentine's Day shirt all day long!!! Why...because it was from his friend Will who sent it all the way from Colorado...

My little "HEART BREAKER"

"Please ladies...don't touch the paci!"

"Better use all 5 fingers since both my eyes are closed."

Brian and I don't normally do much for Valentine's Day besides getting each other cards. The first year we were married we were on a plane most of the day, the second year I had just been implanted, and last year I worked (which means I didn't get home until 8pm). So this year we decided to do dinner (with Mason in tow). But since neither of us like to wait long to eat...we decided to go out last night instead. We went to Outback Steakhouse (giftcard in hand!!!) and got the Valentines Special...an appetizer, two 8oz sizzlers that came with a side and a side salad, and cheesecake for dessert. It was delicious!!!

We always say NO gifts and normally we stick to the plan but last Friday when I was at the mall I saw a Michigan beer mug that I just had to get the hubby. (He wants to decorate the downstairs bar area with some Michigan stuff). So when the hubby got home and saw the present he shook his head at me and said he was not opening the present. I then reminded him that we said NO gifts at Christmas but that he still got me something. His response was...Valentine's Day is different. I told him that his gift was an impulse buy from just last week and that made him a bit happier. Happy to say that he loved it!!!

After dinner tonight Mason and I went over to my parent's house to see some of his big cousins. Grandma (and Papa) had the 5 oldest grandchildren over for a little V-Day party. Mason had a great time but his favorite part of the night was giving his cousins their Valentines Day card and nerd sticks.

The big girls sporting their new tanks...plus Coley boy

Cole, Cambrey, Easton, Addi, and Kylynn

Addi, Mason, and Papa

Thanks Papa and Gma...I LOVE my new shirt and book!!!

(Mason's) Kidney Ultrasound Appointment

2012-02-14T16:49:00.003-05:00

So yesterday my mom and I trooped it down to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital for the little man's renal (kidney) ultrasound. He did great. Only fussed a little bit when he was sick of being on his tummy. (They ultrasounded both his belly and his back to get all views of his kidneys). As we were leaving the ultrasound tech said that the hospital would have the results to Dr. M's office by the end of the day and that within the week the office would call me with the results.

Well I got my call first thing this morning and the news wasn't bad but it also wasn't great. I was hoping to hear that everything was resolved and that we could close the door on hydronephrosis but thats not the case. When Mason was in utero they called his hydronephrosis mild and on a scale of 1-4 (1 being the most mild)...his was a grade 1. Well when the nurse called today with the ultrasound results she called it a grade 2. And went on to say that Mason now needs to have a VCUG (Voiding Cystourethrogram) performed. The nurse was real sweet and asked if I would prefer Dr. M to call me back to go into detail about why he needs this test but I told her I knew what a VCUG was and that I was okay to move forward with setting up an appointment. She said that Dr. M thought I would say that :)

For those of you who don't know what a VCUG is...I'll try to explain it as clearly as I can (otherwise you can always google it). First off this test will also be done at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital. (And I thought I was done with HDVCH until I went back to work...ha). Anyways a catheter will be inserted into Mason's penis and some contrast (a clear liquid) will be pushed through the catheter into his bladder and then a radiology tech will take some pictures of his bladder and kidneys. What they are looking for is to see if any urine refluxes back up into his kidneys.

If some urine does in fact reflux back up into his kidneys then Mason will need to be put on prophylactic antibiotics to prevent any kidney infections. A kidney infection would develop from bacteria entering his bladder via his urethra. And then if he does have hydronephrosis then that bacteria could continue to travel back up his ureter (Mason's hydronephrosis is only one sided...I just don't remember what side) and into his kidney. Obviously a kidney infection could damage Mason's kidney which is why Mason would be put on antibiotics. More often that not though children with lower grades of hydronephrosis out grow it (it being the hydronephrosis).

So we're praying with this more "invasive test" that Mason's hydronephrosis will be ruled out. But if it confirms what the ultrasound shows we pray the hydronephrosis is still a grade 2 (or less) because then he will just have to be on an antibiotic until he out grows it. If it shows a worse grade (like a grade 4) then he would most likely need surgery. But a VCUG does not typically show a worse grade (thank goodness). So worse case scenario is that Mason will be on daily antibiotics (again until he out grows the hydronephrosis). I don't know when a child typically out grows it but my best guess would be within the first two years of life. So I'm thinking that this might not be his last VCUG...poor boy. I know that things could be much worse but as a parent you just hate for anything to be wrong with your child. But it is what it is so just praying for the best outcome possible. I should hear back from my office tomorrow about his appointment date. Hoping its within the next two weeks...

Stay tuned for my Valentine's Day post which I hope to post later tonight!!!

Mason Dale - A Child of God

2012-02-13T22:11:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a very special day. Special because our little miracle was baptized!!! And what made it even more special was that he was baptized from the same old styrofoam cup (and by the same Pastor) as his big sissy's. Oh and the fact that we were surrounded by our amazing family and a few close friends added to the special-ness of it all!!!

But let me stop here a minute and blog about something a "little" off subject. On Saturday morning I woke up and the first thing I said to Brian was..."do you remember what happened exactly two years ago from today?" Of course Brian had no idea so I proceeded to tell him that exactly two years ago Mason was first created. (February 11, 2010 was the day of our retrieval)!!! Brian's response...you and your dates!

Then on Saturday night as I was drifting off to sleep I was thinking about not only what an amazing gift my little boy is but also how different it is being an Earthly parent (compared to being an Angel parent). Both are hard but in completely different ways. One of the biggest differences with being an Earthly parent is the worry that comes with it. You pray your child doesn't get a deadly disease. You pray your child doesn't get seriously hurt in a motor vehicle accident. But more than anything else you pray that your child grows to love the Lord with all his (or her) heart.

My happy boy before heading to church.

And on a side note this is the same outfit that Brian wore at his baptism...besides the booties (I bought them)...and the blanket (that was made just for Mason)!!!

Mason Dale, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit...

After church we headed back to our house for some lunch (and cake) with our family and a few friends. As you can see by quite a few of the following pictures...Mason LOVES his paci :o)

Once again...4 generations. My grandpa Scholma, my mom, me, and Mason.

Papa and Gma Vugteveen with all the grandchildren...Kylynn with Mason, Cambrey, Addi, Brinley, Cole, and Easton.

Gpa and Gma H. (Hence what Mason looks like

without his paci).

What a beautiful Child of God!!!

And for your giggling pleasure...

As you can tell from the above pictures...the cap did NOT make the final cut :o) Although I would love to sneak a peak at a picture of Brian in it!!!

February the 13th...

2012-02-13T07:55:00.001-05:00

will always hold a special place in my heart. And this is why...exactly 2 years ago these two little embabies changed my life forever...

Wow. Two years. It's hard for me to believe that it really has been two years since I was implanted with my precious baby girls. I found the quote below on someone's Facebook page and I thought it so very fitting...

Isn't this the truth. I had 105 minutes with Alayna and 75 minutes with Ella. But I have had (approximately) 14,196 hours (or 851,760 minutes) to spend thinking of them. Again...wow.

The other day at counseling I was telling my counselor how just the other week Mason had had his first play date. It was a boys only play date because my friends only have little boys! But a comment was said that made me a little sad. I KNOW this friend meant no harm so I just shook the comment off and changed the subject. But the comment was this..."I wonder who is going to have the first girl in the group." I wanted to say that I already did. But like I said I didn't want to make a fuss so I just left it be. My counselor said..."its just my mom instinct wanting them to be recognized and remembered." But I know just because I live every single day knowing that I lost two precious little girls...doesn't mean everyone else does too.

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.

God has you in His arms. I have you in my heart.

(Author Unknown)

Mason's First Wedding

2012-02-11T10:03:00.000-05:00

Mason attended his very first wedding last night at the ripe ~~old~~ "young" age of 6 weeks!!! My younger cousin Amanda tied the knot :o) It was a beautiful wedding but wouldn't you know after an extremely mild winter...her wedding took place on an extremely cold and icy evening. The roads were horrible...much like they were on my own wedding day. There must be something about Vugteveen girls and winter weddings!

My handsome boy just before heading out for the wedding.

Mason (as always) was perfect. He slept through the entire ceremony! I was a bit worried he might wake up because as soon as we sat down (in the very back mind you)...I smelled a dirty diaper. (And Mason does not like sitting in a dirty diaper). But he snoozed though the whole service so I waited to change him until afterwards. He fell back to sleep as soon as I put him back in his car seat but shortly after arriving at the reception he woke up. I fed him his bottle but go figure the bottle didn't fill him up so off I went to find a bathroom to top him off.

I went downstairs to where I thought the bathroom would be but it most definitely was not. I didn't feel like trooping around trying to find the bathroom so I sat in a little closet that happened to have a chair in it. Oh the places you will feed a child! I got a little worried that someone would come downstairs in search of a bathroom (just like I did) and also like I did...would open the "closet" door (to where I was feeding). So when I heard voices coming downstairs I looked at the door and saw a lock. So yep...you guessed it I locked myself in. And good thing because not more than a minute later I heard someone say...check that door to see if it's the bathroom. Whew...that would have been embarrassing.

The hubby and I.

Me with Mason, my sis-in-law's Kristi and Jana, and my sis Courtney

Mommy and her little man!!!

Friday (Mason) Favorites...

2012-02-10T15:55:00.004-05:00

This boy loves to SLEEP...(anywhere and anytime). He definitely takes after his mama in this department :)

(Old pic but...) in his sleeper.

On his boppy.

In his car seat.

On his play mat.

In mommy and daddy's bed (only during nap time).

In daddy's arms.

On mommy's chest.

In his stroller.

And in his bouncer!!!

He loves to suck his fingers (if his pipe has fallen out).

He loves smiling at his mama (while daddy takes an "okay" picture.

He loves to eat (bottle or booby). Thought it more appropriate to post a bottle picture ;)

Getting every.last.drop.

Booby milk induced coma

And he loves his tongue...(just like his big cousin Cambrey)!

Cambrey and Kylynn (in 2007)

Our Story (Part 2)

2012-02-07T13:08:00.001-05:00

So when I last left off we were awaiting our fourth implantation. Well that implantation happened on April 12, 2011. Three little embryos were dethawed (THREE because one of the first two did NOT make it through the dethawing process) and on April 22 (which happened to be Good Friday that year) we received the news that we were once again expecting!!! Thrilled does not even begin to describe what we felt. We could finally breathe again after a nerve-wracking 2 week wait.

But that "breath" didn't last long. My pregnancy was the longest 10 months of our lives and boy oh boy was it ever stressful. But after 44 doctor appointments (which included 24 ultrasounds and 15 non-stress tests), 20 counseling sessions (with a pregnancy after loss counselor), 8 prenatal massages, and 10 weeks worth of shots (8 of them being IM booty shots) the most precious little boy entered into our lives. Mason Dale Helmholdt arrived on December 27, 2011 at 11:13am. He weighed in at 9lbs 5oz and measured 21in long. BEST (late) Christmas present ever!!!

Someday we hope to add to our (Earthly) family of three but for now we want to enjoy this time with Mason. But since I am a planner I will admit that questions have been asked about baby ~~# 2~~ #5 and when we're good and ready we pray that God will bless us with another healthy baby. Our constant prayer is that our last sweet lil embie (currently in storage) will want to join our family of 3. If not then we will pursue another fresh cycle of IVF. But with a fresh cycle comes all the same concerns that we had the first go around. Bottom line is that its all in God's Hands...so we're letting GO and letting HIM.

Smiles for Mommy

2012-02-04T13:04:00.005-05:00

How CUTE am I (NOT a question...just a statement)!!!

Mason's First Play Date

2012-02-02T21:15:00.139-05:00

BACKGROUND TO FIRST PLAY DATE:

Two of my girlfriends had little boys (Ezra and Jude) a few months before I was due with the girls. And before I went into preterm labor we always talked about how fun it would be to have play dates with all the little ones. But as they well know it was really hard for me to even be around their little ones after I lost the girls. Then shortly after losing the girls I got news that Ezra was going to be a big brother. (Josiah was born this past April). Then after I lost Luke...I found out that another one of my girlfriends was expecting the end of September. (Cohen arrived the end of August).

With all the news of more babies it seemed like my time would NEVER come. But as we all know I found out the end of April that Brian and I were (praise the Lord) once again expecting too. But before I announced anything I found out that Jude was going to become a big brother. My friend Rach was due a mere 4 weeks before me. And another good friend of mine (but not in this group) also told me after I found out I was pregnant that she too was pregnant and due in early November. With the exception of Josiah...everyone else waited for the big surprise and who would have guessed that 4 little boys would pop out...Cohen then Will then Rhys and finally MASON!!! All I can say is Mason is going to have so much fun growing up with so many friends his age!!! Oh and on a totally different friend note (at church in the past year alone) there are already 6 little boys (and 2 little girls) Mason's age plus two more boys coming between now and March. It's raining boys!!!

So anyways some of my girlfriends came over this past Monday with their ~~children~~ boys in tow for a little play date. The first of many!!! Hopefully Ezra and Josiah can join in the fun next go around (unfortunately they don't live around here).

Jude, Rhys, Mason, and Cohen

Friends!!!

And Ame...Mason is really looking forward to hanging out with (and officially meeting) Will in March :)

Looking Back at that First Post

2012-01-31T14:34:00.002-05:00

For some reason the other day I went back and read my very first post... It's A Roller Coaster Kind of Life. It brought tears to my eyes. It's crazy how fast life changes. One minute I was pregnant with twin girls. The next minute my life was turned upside down. Now a ~~few minutes~~ year and a half later I am holding my precious Rainbow baby in my arms.

I patiently (or not so patiently) waited on my Heavenly Father and trusted that He had a plan for my life. And I trusted that His plan included me being an earthly mother. With faith that ~~never~~ only sometimes wavered my promise came true on December 27, 2011. I honestly don't know how many times a day I stop and thank God for my little miracle. And when the tears come (because they still do) I look at my little miracle and remember that God's plan is perfect. Oh yes...God knew all along what He was doing!!!

In that post I wrote..."She (my mom) gives me so much hope for the future. That someday I will be a mommy again and that Brian will be a daddy. And that we will be able to tell other children about their big sisters." There were times when I wondered "will I ever be a mommy again" but I am so thankful for the encouragement that my mom always gave me. She kept me believing even when I doubted. No one knows God's plans for their lives but for me the desire of being an earthly mommy never went away. And because it never went away I believed that my dream would someday come true. And praise the Lord it did because now I can tell Mason all about his big sissy's (and his big bruder)!!!

So here I am a year and a half later and so thankful that my life is not quite as "roller coasty." But man oh miskins has it ever been quite the ride. And even though I know this ride is far from over...I am so excited to finally sit back and enjoy a little bit of it!!!

So keep trusting. Keep believing. And KEEP PRAYING. Because God IS still listening to you. And He KNOWS your pain. But He (and only He) knows what's best for you...so desire His plan...His perfect plan!!! And most importantly continue to wait patiently (or as patiently as you can) because the end result WILL be worth all the pain and suffering it took to get there.

You will have pain but your pain will turn to joy. John 16:20

(Just A Few) Newborn Pictures

2012-01-29T21:59:00.000-05:00

A huge (and I mean huge) thanks to Kerry at Images Of Essence for the awesome newborn pictures she took of Mason!!! I am so very very happy with how they turned out. Enjoy a few of my faves!!!

The Many Faces of Mason

2012-01-28T12:10:00.001-05:00

Mama just wanted ONE cute pic...but she definitely got more than one "cute" pic...

Trying to wink ;) at the pretty lady he calls mama!!!

Practicing some dance moves...

Starting to get hungry...we call it his "rooty tooty" look.

Enough already mom.

One Month

2012-01-27T18:20:00.009-05:00

Mason,
I cannot believe that you're already ONE MONTH OLD today...time sure does fly by when you're having fun!!! The prior 10 months just inched on by but not this month...it came and went faster than the speed of light. Oh Mason Mommy and Daddy love you so so so much. You mean the world to us and we feel so privileged that God chose us to be your parents. Can't wait to continue watching you grow baby boy...just not too fast!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Stats: Mason's next doctor appointment (including weight check) isn't until his 2 month check-up so not exactly sure of his current weight but thinking he's gotta be trekking towards 11 pounds.

Sizes: When Mason hit 2 and a half weeks we put away all his newborn clothing. (The sleeves of his newborn clothes were no longer covering his arms). So now he's wearing 0-3 or 3 month clothing and size 1 diapers.

First Bottle: My Pediatrician recommended introducing a bottle between 3 and 4 weeks. But my sister said that she always introduced a bottle at 2 weeks. So Mr. Mason got introduced to the bottle at 2 weeks 2 days. (I wanted daddy to feel involved). And let me just say that Mason LOVED his first bottle...maybe not as much as getting it straight from mama but he did finish off every last drop of that bottle. (And it was a 4 oz bottle mind you all)!!!

Food: Mason is on a strict diet of booby milk. During the day he typically breastfeeds every 3 hours. However, sometimes he wants it a little more frequently (as in every hour). But I've been told to NOT let this become a habit so I try to hold him to at least every 2.5 hours. I will admit though if we're heading somewhere and I want him to be content (or asleep)...I top him off (even if he ate just an hour prior). If we're running errands (or at the mall shopping) he can make it at least 4 hours without eating. (He could pry make it even longer but I typically don't like him to go any longer than 4 hours without eating during the day). During the night it varies. Lately, (crossing my fingers this habit continues) he has been making a 5-6 hour stretch to begin the night and then he lasts another 2-3 hours. I pump about twice a day but only for 5-7 minutes (only to make sure he gets a 4oz bottle at night).

Routine: We don't have much of a routine yet. But when he wakes up in the morning he typically wants to eat and then every 2.5-3 hours there after. However, like I mentioned above...I will sneak in an extra feeding to keep him content if we're off to church or if I want to run some errands. Most mornings (unless we're off and running) he stays awake for a couple of hours. We try to give Mason his last feed (a bottle) of the night between 9 and 10pm. He then likes to stay awake for another hour or so. But in hopes of breaking this pattern for the last few nights I have taken to rocking him to sleep after his nightly bottle. But believe me...he fights me on this one because he wants to be awake. (On a side note mom is NOT a night owl). So he screams for a bit until he succumbs to sleep. But once asleep he generally sleeps until 3 or 4am. Yea!!! And then he wakes (to eat) again between 6 and 7am. And yes at this point (most of the time) he will fall back to sleep for another hour or so but once in awhile he is all bright-eyed and ready to begin his day. He definitely has some big awake spans throughout the day but they are not at all predictable.

We try to do tummy time or playmat time at least twice a day and he gets a bath every 2-3 days. I wash his face every day but since he hates bath time so much we limit it to about 3 times a week.

Developmental Milestones: Mason is definitely getting better at holding up his own little noggin. He likes tummy time the best when I lay him on my belly. I like to think its because he wants to look at his mama!!! Although Mason is not cooing yet...he IS big on grunting...especially in the middle of the night. :) He also likes to grunt before a good poop. He smiles here and there...just not sure if they're "real" smiles yet.

Loves: Mason loves his hands and he loves sticking out his adorable little booty. Every time I put him over my shoulder or on my belly...the booty pops OUT...(pretty sure he did this in utero too)!!! He loves bright flashing lights. Most nights Brian will sit with him and play nursery rhyme videos off his I-phone and Mason is so content watching the flashes of color (oh and maybe he likes the music too)!!! He loves to sleep and he is SUCH a good sleeper. He typically falls asleep anytime we're in the car or if he's in his stroller so this makes it really easy for me when I'm running errands or shopping. Mason also LOVES peeing during bathtime or peeing when I'm in the process of changing his diaper...naughty boy. I learned my lesson (after he sprayed himself, his changing table, and the wall behind his changing table. I now cover his lil "peter" when I'm changing him but I just let him have his way in the shower. Oh and for short amounts of time he likes his playmat...again that would be for short amounts of time.

Dislikes: I swear the little guy dislikes burping. For the first 2 weeks of his life he rarely burped. Thankfully he has gotten a touch better in this department. He also really and I mean REALLY dislikes bathtime...he cries every.single.time...breaks his mama's heart.

Not happy...

Still not happy...

And finally all tuckered out from bathtime...

Because I Like These Kind of Things...

2012-01-26T10:06:00.001-05:00

1. Were you named after anyone?
Nope. My middle name isn't even after anyone.

2. When was the last time you cried?
When my sweet RAINBOW baby was placed in my arms. Mmmm actually I cried on the drive home from the hospital too because I was just so stinkin happy TO BE GOING HOME WITH A BABY!!!

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes I do. And (not to pat myself on the back but...) many other peeps have told me that they like it too!!!

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
A toss up between turkey and ham. Turkey is healthier but I think I'm gonna have to go with ham.

5. Do you have kids?
Sure do. Three little angels in Heaven (Alayna Joy, Ella Adrianna, and Luke) and one little angel in my arms (Mason Dale).

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
I'm gonna go ahead and say YES!!! But IF and Loss most definitely changed me so I'm very thankful for the friends who have stuck with me for the long haul!!!

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
No.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes.

9. Would you bungee jump?
No thank you.

10. What is your favorite cereal?
I love cereal too much to just pick one so I'm gonna pick 3. In no specific order...Frosted Mini Wheats, Bran Flakes, and Wheat Chex.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I really do not have that many tie shoes (I like boots in the Winter and flats for Spring/Summer). But if I happen to have a pair of tie shoes on it just depends if I'm in a hurry or whether I feel like bending :)

12. Do you think you are strong?
I use to be but now...not so much. (I'm talking about physical strength here).

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Again I don't have just ONE favorite so I'm gonna say it's a tie between Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookies 'n Cream, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

14. What is the first thing you noticed about people?
Faces.

15. Red or pink?
Red. But I like pink too...just not hot or bright...unless its on my toes!!!

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
Right now I just want to lose the last 17-20 (it fluctuates depending on time of day) pounds of baby weight. I would like to fit into my pre-pregnancy pants.

17. Who do you miss the most?
My children in Heaven but I also realize that if they were here...Mason wouldn't be.

18. What are you listening to right now?
The music on my blog and watching The King of Queens.

19. Mountain hideaway or beach house?
Beach House.

20. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy Endings.

21. Hugs or kisses?
Depends on who's giving them.

22. What book are you reading now?
Do magazines count? I can't wait to get into a good book again but it might be a little bit before that happens.

23. Favorite sound?
Any sound (and I mean any) that comes from my baby boy.

24. What color is your house?
Tan with white trim.

25. What color is your car?
Up until a few weeks ago I would have said maroon but now I drive my hubby's truck (and he drives my car) so now I have to say black.

Boys Rule

2012-01-25T19:29:00.004-05:00

I had to run some errands today and one of those errands was a trip to Target. I had to return some pink and purple sippy cups (that I had received at one of my showers) because Brian said he didn't want his son drinking out of "girly looking" cups. So the cashier (a young girl) asked me if there was anything wrong with the cups and I said nope. We just didn't know what we were having and obviously we had a boy!!! I then added...and I'm not sure why someone bought me pink and purple sippys since we didn't know what we were having. The cashier said the person pry hoped you'd have a little girl. I kind of looked at her and she said well when I was pregnant I really hoped for a little girl. And I asked why? She said because I'm a single mom. In response I said...well I wouldn't trade my boy for anything...we went through a lot to have him. And I'm sure now that you have your little boy that you wouldn't trade him for anything either. Her response...I still wish he were a little girl. And then she went on to say...I didn't know what I was having either but I was still disappointed when he first came out. WHAT (insert swear words here). I just couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. I guess some people don't realize how lucky they are to just get pregnant and to just have a baby.

This is totally not to say that I wouldn't love a little girl (again) someday but I wouldn't trade my BOY for the WORLD!!! Never once have I felt disappointed that my Buggy was a HE and not a SHE.

I LOVE My Cousins

2012-01-21T18:58:00.001-05:00

On Friday morning Mason (and mommy) went to grandma's house and it just so happened that all of his cousins were there too!!!

The WHOLE Vugteveen crew...until baby BOY Vugteveen joins the gang in April!!!

Easton, Cole, Cambrey, Brinley, Addisyn, Kylynn, and Mason

And again...

And on that note...I think we're done!

But before the big kids got back to playing...everyone wanted a chance to hang on to Baby Mason.

Kylynn and Mason

Cambrey and Mason

Addi and Mason

Cole and Mason

Easton didn't need a turn...

And Brinley and Mason (notice his defensive pose).

Mason is thinking..."mommy, why did you put me by her?"

A Hodge Podge of Mason

2012-01-21T13:02:00.001-05:00

Even though the shirt was too big...daddy just had to have a picture of you sporting (one) of your first pieces of Michigan apparel!!!

GO BLUE!!!

Thanks for my shirt Aunt Courtney!!!

Mommy loves taking picture of me...me on the other hand...sometimes not so much...

getting so big

Thanks for ~~finally~~ dressing me mom.

My mommy really loves me...

And I really love my mommy...

This is Mason's "I want ~~booby~~ to eat" face

Mommy is always a little too slow (to catch my cute little smile) so here are a few pics of me sorta smiling...

I generally don't mind tummy time...

But sometime I get really lazy...

Children are a gift from the Lord... Psalm 127:3

A Few Thoughts...

2012-01-19T14:12:00.003-05:00

My mom told me last week that she was glad I was back. I asked her what she meant by that and she said...You're YOU again. You're happy again!!! And to be very honest I AM happy again and its all because of my sweet (RAINBOW) miracle boy...Mason Dale!!! The moment (and I mean THE moment) that I laid eyes on my beautiful baby BOY the thick cloud of anxiety that had consumed me for the last 10 months instantly vanished. Oh its good to be ME again!!!

A few people have asked me (since Mason's birth) if having him here has made me think about/miss the girls. And to be honest I try not to think about my beautiful little angels because I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy!!! And boy oh boy does Mason ever make me happy. He has brought a healing to my heart that I never thought possible. Being a mom is everything I've dreamed about and more. I know that every baby is a miracle but when I look at Mason I am just in awe at what God orchestrated to get him here.

I miss my girls but bottom line is this...if they were here...Mason would not be (and maybe never would have been. It takes the perfect month and the perfect cycle). The thing I always remind myself is that I will have all my children with me in Heaven...and what a day it will be when all my children (and mommy and daddy too) are reunited...yes what a day it will be!!!

And one final thought that I wanted to share (and this thought has been very heavy on my heart). If we had had the girls and Luke and his twin...we would have been done. We would have paid to keep the last 4 embryos frozen forever. And you all know what this would have meant...Mason would have been frozen forever. The thought of this brings tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine Mason being "stored away" forever. It just goes to show that God's plan is always (WAY) better than ours. And that sometimes it just takes a few months or years to understand this. And you know what else I would never ever change our story because everything that we went through led us to our little Miracle Man Mason. So yes I WOULD endure all of the pain and suffering (again) just to get to him.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

One Year Later

2012-01-14T09:32:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe how much life can change in a year. But man oh man am I ever thankful its January 14, 2012 and NOT January 14, 2011. And this is why...its been ONE whole year since finding out our Rainbow baby (Luke) was no more. Believe me I will never EVER forget the day or the moment when we knew that our dreams were crashing down before us again. That ultrasound screen will forever haunt me. Hence, why never again will I go to an ultrasound appointment by myself. But 3 ~~short~~ long months later we were implanted again. And this time the implantation led us to our little miracle (Rainbow) boy...Mason Dale!!!

"Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5.

YES rejoicing does come in the morning!!!

Mason and Megyn (finally) Meet

2012-01-13T12:36:00.003-05:00

Since coming home from the hospital Mason has had LOTS of visitors but one really special visitor came to visit him yesterday...his friend Meg (and Meg's mommy and daddy)!!! Kami (Meg's mom) and I became fast friends after the loss of our precious children...(Kami and her hubby Rob lost their precious twins just 4 months prior to Brian and I losing Layna and Ella). And on another note...I was actually due with Luke 3 days before Meg's due date...but here we are (5 months later) with both of our Rainbow babes in our arms!!! And what precious little BLESSINGS they are!!!

Meg and Mason...and their matching outfits were NOT planned!!!

Two Weeks

2012-01-10T21:24:00.001-05:00

Stats: Mason had his 2 week check today and I am happy to say that my "little" guy has already cruised passed his birth weight and now weighs a whopping 9lbs 9oz and is 21.5 inches long!!! (This puts Mason in the 75% for weight and 85% for height).

Sizes: For the first week and a half Mason wore newborn diapers but after a few too many poops up the back I made the switch to size 1. Mason is wearing newborn or 0-3 month clothing.

Food: Mason is only breastfed. And he obviously enjoys eating!!!

Routine: We don't have much of a routine yet but I've been told (by my pediatrician) that thats okay. However, I am going to try my very best to get in a pattern of giving him his last feed of the night around 10pm and to then put him in his rocker and me in my bed. I've noticed that it doesn't matter what time I put him to bed...whether it be 10pm or 12am that he wakes up to eat again around 3am...and then again around 5:30 or 6 am. So why not give me the longest stretch of sleep possible. And then during the day we pretty much stick to every 3 hour feeds. Mason is a one-sided eater but will eat for a good 20-30 minutes per each feed. All I need to remember is what side he last ate on (which isn't too hard).

I have been blessed with a very mild child. Mason (currently) does NOT have a fussy time. He actually hardly ever cries (except during bath time then he has a lot to say). He LOVES LOVES LOVES to sleep. (He always falls asleep in his car seat). He slept through our whole church service on Sunday and an hour and a half wait at a funeral visitation (on Sunday as well). I had 2 doctor appointments today (one for me and one for Mason) and I also ran a few errands and he pretty much slept through it all. (He did wake up when the Pediatrician was assessing him but once he was placed back in my arms he instantly fell asleep again).

Developmental Milestones: Lots of gassy smiles :o)

Loves: Mason loves to sleep. He loves to eat. He loves his hands. He loves his paci. And of course he loves his mommy's voice. Brian told me the other day to stop talking because Mason started rooting as soon as he heard my voice (and he had just eaten). He just stares at me whenever I talk to him.

Mason made his first trip to the mall yesterday...(he slept the whole time)...but pretty sure he's gonna love the mall just like his mama!

While we were at the mall my mom and I both checked our blood pressures. My mom's was excellent and mine wasn't too shabby...117/83.

The main reason I wanted to check my blood pressure (yesterday) was because today I had my 2 weeks since delivery blood pressure check with Dr. J. Needless to say...it was less than stellar (130/92) so I'm to continue taking my blood pressure meds until my next appointment. My next appointment is the regular 6 week check-up on February 9...praying at that point I can throw my meds out the window.

Mason's first (11) Days

2012-01-07T13:41:00.015-05:00

Yes this is my THIRD post of the day...don't miss M is for Mason or The Long Awaited Birth Story.

Where do I even begin. The last 11 days have been some of the very best days of my life. It's amazing how fast a day can go by when you're taking care of a newborn. Hence...my lack of postings this week. Mason is such a good little boy. He barely fusses. He barely cries...(unless he's getting a bath). He is such a good eater...(breast-feeding is going extremely well). He is peeing and pooping. And he LOVES to sleep...(he's even had a couple 5 hour stretches on a few different nights)!!! Basically he's an angel!!!

We arrived home around 11am Thursday morning (12/29/11). To say it was an emotional car ride home (for me) is putting it quite mildly. About 5 minutes into our drive home the tears started falling. I said to Brian...this is not PPD...I am just so happy that we have a healthy little boy in the backseat. Believe me I will never forget driving home from the hospital in an empty car with an empty womb. One of the worst experiences of my life. So yes this time I was simply overjoyed that our sweet baby boy Mason was coming home WITH us! And yes Daddy did drive a little bit slower with our little miracle in the back seat! The drive TO the hospital was a bit emotional too. When we were driving to the hospital (on Monday night) we were both pretty quiet. I asked Brian what he was thinking about and his response was...just thinking about what could go wrong yet. Funny thing is I was thinking the same thing. It wasn't until Mason was placed in our arms that we finally (both) relaxed.

Friday brought about Mason's first outing. We had to get his weight checked at his Pediatrician's office. When we left the hospital Mason weighed 8lbs 11oz and at this check he was still 8lbs 11oz! During the night (Thursday into Friday) I noticed (while feeding) that Mason's eyes looked a little jaundice but I wasn't too concerned since my breast milk was just coming in. However, the nurse also noticed the yellow in his eyes so she said that she would talk to Dr. M and see if he wanted us to get Mason's bili level drawn. Sure enough later that afternoon we got a phone call saying that Dr. M did want a bili level drawn. So we were off again to get his bili checked. Thankfully it came back at 11.5 so nothing needed to be done.

We laid low on Saturday. We had our first home visitors (Grandpa and Grandma Vugteveen, mommy's friend Noell and her hubby Jeff, Grandpa and Grandma H, and daddy's friend Ryan). On Sunday Mason made his first (of many) trip to Gpa and Gma V's house to celebrate the New Year. Mason also met his great-grandpa Scholma!!!

4 Generations

Monday was another low-key day. But Tuesday brought about Mason's newborn visit with Dr. M and a trip to Target. About the newborn visit...we LOVE Dr. M (our Pediatrician)!!! Mason gained 4oz (in 4 days) which put him at 8lbs 15oz...mommy was SO proud!!! And when everything was said and done Mason checked out to be one healthy little guy. The only slight concern was about his gum line...(it's crooked). The pediatrician that we saw in the hospital first noticed it but said he hadn't really seen it before so to make sure to follow-up with Dr. M about it at our newborn visit. Thankfully Dr. M said he sees it all the time. What Mason has is a form of tordicollis (of the neck). Basically in utero he was probably jammed into one position for the last 6-8 weeks and couldn't turn his head/neck. So the right side of his neck is tighter than his left. So this means that Mason needs to go to therapy once a week for (approx) the next 4 weeks.

The second "concern" was about his mild hydronephrosis. Dr. J had said to have Mason ultrasounded before we left the hospital. The pediatrician that we saw in the hospital said to wait at least 2 weeks after birth. But Dr. M wanted to wait at least 6 weeks. So we set up an appointment for Feb 13. Dr. M said since Mason is peeing so well that he believes the hydronephrosis will just resolve on its own. And then after his appointment we ran to Target to pick up some odds and ends. Again he was a super star and didn't make a peep!

Wednesday was a crazy busy day. It started with me waking up at 7:30am so I could shower and eat before waking Mason up to feed and dress him. We had to be at his first therapy session at 9am. The therapist was awesome...calls himself "Uncle Todd." He stretched Mason's neck side to side while Mason just watched. After awhile Mason became uninterested and fell asleep. We had to run a couple of errands afterwards and then it was off to get his newborn pictures taken!!! Kerry (the photographer) was amazing and Mason slept for the most part. I had to feed him a couple of times and I was lucky enough to be peed and pooped on during these feeds times (newborn pictures = a naked baby)! Pictures took 3 hours and since we hadn't eaten since breakfast the hubby was starving hungry...so we made a quick Taco Bell run before heading home. I jumped in the shower, returned a few phone calls, and fed Mason before Mason and I headed out to my cousin's wedding shower. Yes this was Mason and I's first trip together!!! It was a small shower at Carrabba's but once again Mason was an angel. He slept the shower away in his car seat. He got a little fussy towards the end but it was almost time to feed again so I picked him up for a bit before sneaking out a little early.

Mason's new hat for his newborn pictures!!!

Since we were so busy on Wednesday we took it easy Thursday and Friday. We were home all day Thursday and the only outing on Friday was to Meijer to pick up a few groceries. And now its Saturday. Tonight its off to my parent's house to celebrate my mom's birthday and tomorrow we're attempting church and then lunch at Brian's parent's house. I think that mostly sums up Mason's first 11 days of life...and a wonderful 11 days it has been!!!

The Long Awaited Birth Story

2012-01-07T11:47:00.002-05:00

Where it ALL began...Implantation Day.....4/12/2011

Because of my high blood pressure (since 27 weeks) Dr. J did not want me to go past my DD (of January 1)...which was TOTALLY fine by me. So on December 15 my induction date (December 26, 2011 at 8:30pm) was put in the books!!! (Dr. J and I had talked a few weeks prior about tentative dates but I got my paperwork on the 15th...thus making it official). A week later on the 22nd he checked my cervix to see what kind of induction medication I would need. I was only dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced so it was decided that I would start with a small dose of cytotec and if needed I would start pitocin around 6am the following morning.

Induction Night.....12/26/2011

Ready to POP!!!

We arrived at the hospital at 8:30pm and were brought to the big corner suite on 3 Center. I was so thankful to be on 3 Center and NOT 2 Center. (I delivered the girls on 2 Center). And before I go any further I want to thank my sister's friend Lisa D. for assigning me my nurses and (I think) for getting me the big corner suite too! I had the BEST possible care (Kat, Kristin, and Amy) and loved my big room.

LETS DO THIS!!!

My first dose of cytotec was placed at 9:30pm (at this point I was only dilated to a 1 and 40% effaced.....a few steps back from what Dr. J said I was on Thursday). Unfortunately upon arrival my blood pressure was C-R-A-Z-Y high so I had to be hooked up to a blood pressure machine that was set to go off every 15 minutes. As I'm sure you can imagine I got zero sleep with that thing going off so frequently. So when I was checked 4 hours later (at 1:30am) I asked if they could take the cuff off so I could get a little sleep. Thankfully my nurse was fine with taking the cuff off and they also gave me a small dose of ambien (in hopes that I would get a little bit of sleep). At my 1:30am check I was only dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced.

I managed to get a good 3 hours of sleep after I took the ambien but at 4:30am woke up with the urge to pee. Once I settled myself back in to my bed I finally started feeling some (mild) contractions. They were coming every 2-3 minutes but were very tolerable. An hour later at 5:30am (4 hours since my last check) I was checked again and was now a whopping 3 and 70% effaced...slow and steady on the dilation and effacement wouldn't ya say?

At this point the resident talked to one of Dr. J's partners (the on-call doc) and she gave the go ahead for them to start me on pitocin. So my pit was started at 6am. Being on the pit did not change the intensity of my contractions. (I could still hold a conversation with no problem). Around 7:30am my day nurse (Amy...whom I had requested) came onto the scene. She gave me the most amazing care but I already knew that she would because she took care of me for one 4 hour shift when I was still pregnant with Ella. (She was the nurse taking care of me when I found out I was infected. She also went to high school with Brian and we come from the same home town so we know a lot of the same people). A few minutes later Dr. J arrived. Dr. J said that if I wanted he would break my water. (Since I had delivered before he felt comfortable with breaking my water....otherwise he would have wanted to wait it out a bit longer). For some reason it seemed like Brian didn't want him to break my water so I said we would wait a bit and see if the pit would put me into labor. Not more then 10 minutes later the day resident arrived and asked me if I wanted my water broken....(pretty sure she didn't know that Dr. J had just asked). She said that it would definitely speed things up. Thats all I needed to hear...I said lets do it!!! For some reason at this point I didn't care what the hubby thought. So the resident broke my water and not more than 30 seconds later my contractions were more than uncomfortable...they were downright PAINFUL. And believe me I could NO longer talk through them.

Because of my blood pressure issues I needed to have some labs drawn (to check my platelet count) before an epidural could be started. So Amy immediately called lab and told them it was a STAT order. I asked Amy what "STAT" really meant. Remember I work at this hospital and STAT isn't always quick. She said STAT means they have an hour to get to me. Oh my word is all I could think at this point. My contractions were horrible. And changing positions only made it worse. But not more than 10 minutes later lab arrived...PTL!!! Amy called the anesthesiologist next and of course both the L &D anesthesiologists were in sections. Thankfully they found another anesthesiologist willing to come right over. Once that bad boy was in I was feeling lots better. *Note to self NEVER let anyone break my water before an epidural is placed.*

Well about an hour later I was checked again and wouldn't ya know...I was ready to push!!! Dr. J was called and when he arrived 15 minutes later I began pushing (it was 9:45am). He waited around for a few contractions but said that he would check back in an hour if he hadn't gotten a call from Amy telling him I was ready. Well an hour passed and there appeared Dr. J again. He wasn't too impressed with my progress and without saying the "C" word threatened a C-Section. Basically he said that at this stage most people would have had their baby by now. Then he was off again but that was all I needed to hear to really start pushing. (I will be very honest in saying that I was so afraid of pooping and/or farting while pushing that I definitely wasn't giving it my all). After 20 more minutes of STRONG pushing...Amy gave Dr. J a call and said that I was ready. He thought she was joking but no sir this momma heard his warning. Dr. J came back all smiles and said I didn't say the "C" word did I? My response...I understood what you meant! Neo had to be present at delivery because my sweet little Mason boy had decided to poop in utero...(this was noticed when my water was broken). Thankfully they were not needed because Mason came out with a soft whimper and Dr. J had told Brian and I that as long as he made some sort of noise after delivery that all would be fine.

And at 11:13am our Miracle BOY Mason Dale entered into this world!!! Brian cut the cord and Dr. J said dad what do we have? But I saw that Buggy was a BOY at the same time Brian said we have a boy. Oh when I saw my healthy baby boy it truly was the BEST moment of my life. Words cannot even begin to describe my emotions at that point. I was instantly in love. My first thought was he's healthy AND HUGE!!! But I didn't know how huge until he was weighed...and yes I was a bit surprised at my 9 pounds and 5 ounces of pure perfection!!!

M is for Mason

2012-01-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

Mason just wanted to thank mommy's friend Erin for the AWESOME "M" block!!!

And the other sides (of the block)...

LOVE...LOVE...LOVE IT!!!

A Year in Review (2011)

2012-01-01T17:15:00.006-05:00

As I posted here earlier today...2011 was not quite the year I imagined it to be (back on January 1, 2011). And even though (like I already mentioned) I became a mom...the year itself was filled with stress and anxiety. I will however, be forever thankful that it ended on such a high note. We truly serve an amazing God who most definitely carried us through the ups and downs of these past few months. And even though I was a stressed out/anxious/nervous Nelly for the past 9 (plus) months...it all led me (us) to Mason and so the last 9 (plus) months were most def worth all the worry. All I can say is we serve an awesome God!!! And on the first day of this new year....I am surely praising Him for my (2 days late) Christmas 2011 miracle...Mason Dale!

Wishing each and everyone of you all the best in 2012!!! Oh and aren't you proud of me...I said within a few days and here is my year in review already :o)...

January.....Rang in the New Year by announcing that we were expecting again....only to find out that we miscarried a few weeks later (on January 14).

February.....Found out that baby #3 would have been a BOY. We named him Luke!!!

March.....Took a much needed trip to Arizona.

April.....Implanted with MASON!!! And we got our BFP on April 22, 2011 (which happened to be Good Friday).

May.....Started finishing our basement (and yes we're still in the process)!!!

June.....Celebrated Alayna and Ella's 1st Birthday(s).

And my niece Brinley Mae was born on June 25!!!

July...My birthday and a trip to Wisconsin.

August.....Made it to 20 weeks with an excellent ultrasound showing a healthy baby...and of course passed the 22 week mark too...PTL!!!

September.....Annual trip to my parent's cabin in the UP with my whole family.

October....My first shower for ~~Buggy~~ Mason.

November.....Brian's birthday and more showers for Mason.

December.....Mason Dale Helmholdt was born 12/27/11...best day of MY life!!!

The Journey: Week 40 (Post Baby)

2012-01-01T15:17:00.006-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Funny how much life can and does change in a year. Last year I posted this. All I can say is 2010 was the hardest year of my life and (at the beginning of 2011) I was certain that 2011 was going to be the best year of my life. And although it did end with me being a mother...2011 was definitely another difficult year. I will try my best to do an update of the highs and lows of 2011 within the next few days but most of my spare time is spent loving on Mason these days. But one thing I do know is that 2012 is going to be the best year of my life!!!

January 1, 2012 (MASON'S DUE DATE)

How Far Along: 5 days POST baby!!!

Size of Baby: At his last weight check (which was this past Friday) Mason was 8lbs 11oz. (We left the hospital at 8lbs 11oz).

Picture of Baby:

Maternity Clothes: Yes and No.

Weight Loss: Down at least 20lbs (as of Friday morning...haven't weighed myself since).

Belly:

December 25, 2011

January 1, 2012

Stretch Marks: One super tiny one right above my belly button. I do believe that when my belly button shrinks back to normal size that it will be hidden though...and if it isn't this mama does NOT care!

Sleep: AMAZING!!! So far the lil guy has been such a good sleeper. I currently HAVE to wake him every 3 hours to eat. I'm sure this will change but for now I'm taking it. He did have one episode last night where he did NOT want to sleep though. I fed him at 11:30pm and had him in his bassinet by 12:30am. At 1:30am he started fussing (mind you he was just laying in his bassinet for an hour awake not fussing). So I held him for a half hour before deciding to feed him a touch early. After he was changed, fed, burped, and changed (again)...he was sleeping by 2:30am...AND so was his momma!!!

Best Moment of the Week: Mason's birth. Definitely the most amazing day of my life. When they pulled him out and placed him on me all I could do was cry. Talk about instant LOVE!!!

Movement: He loves his hands...(and boy oh boy does he ever love to have them right next to his face).

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular. But I am trying to drink lots of H2O.

Gender: A beautiful baby BOY...Mason Dale Helmholdt!!!

What I Miss (about being pregnant): Nothing. I love holding my healthy baby boy in my arms. I love not worrying about movement. I love being less anxious!!!

What I'm Looking Forward to: Anything and everything to do with my little boy. This is going to be the best year OF MY LIFE!!!

Emotions: When I first saw his sweet face I was overcome with emotion. And so thankful that he was healthy and that he had arrived safely. Over the last few days I keep having to remind myself that he's really here...that I AM an Earthly Mommy and boy oh boy do I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!

Already Famous

2011-12-31T18:14:00.002-05:00

Click here to read about my famous little guy!!!

And I will try my best to write out Mason's birth story within the next few days. And also an update about his first few days at home. Oh and about some feelings concerning Mason, the girls, and being an Earthly mommy!!! If only there were more time in a day :)

Then and Now

2011-12-30T21:23:00.007-05:00

After 44 doctor appointments (which included 24 ultrasounds and 15 non-stress tests), 20 counseling sessions, 8 prenatal massages, 10 weeks worth of shots (8 weeks of IM booty shots), and an implantation day...

WE HAVE GONE FROM THIS...

TO THIS...

WHAT A MIRACLE!!!

"You will have pain but your pain will turn to joy."

John 16:20

And on a completely different note...Happy 18 months in Heaven (today) to my sweet Ella Adrianna!!!

Introducing Buggy...

2011-12-29T17:42:00.001-05:00

Yikes...I've been away from the blog for a few days. But only because I've had more important things to tend to!!! Meet my little miracle...my rainbow baby...my gift from above...Mason Dale Helmholdt. He arrived on Tuesday December 27 at 11:13am. He weighed a whopping 9lbs 5oz and was 21 inches long. We are SO in love!!! More details to come but for now a few pictures...

Shortly after delivery

One day old

Two days old and ready to GO HOME!!!

Merry Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T20:53:00.001-05:00

It really didn't feel much like Christmas this year. I think for 2 big reasons. First because there is NO snow to be seen and second I just want to meet my sweet baby (already). But Christmas it was and we truly did have a very wonderful Christmas.

I was getting ready for church this morning when Brian said are you at a point where you can take a "break." I asked him why and he said because Santa had left some presents for me under our Christmas tree. I told him that we didn't have a Christmas tree and he said...yes we do!!! And sure enough sitting under our "Alayna and Ella" tree were some presents all wrapped up. The hubby...even though we had agreed to NO presents (for each other) this year....bought me us some presents. The (us) presents: the last 2 Harry Potter DVD's and 2 card games (Quiddler and Five Crowns). The (me) present: my "L" for Luke charm and then Brian got himself something too. Gotta love that hubby of mine!!!

The gifts under our precious tree.

My Alayna, Ella, and (now) Luke charms!!!

Then after church we headed over to Brian's parents house to celebrate Christmas. A much quieter affair than any Vugteveen get together...thats for sure!!! But we had a wonderful time talking, eating, opening some presents, and playing a little Quiddler. And Baby H even got him/herself another present...his/her Chicco Liteway stroller!!!

The annual "in front of the tree" pose.

Merry Christmas From Heaven

2011-12-25T09:27:00.001-05:00

Wishing my 3 little angels in Heaven a very Merry Christmas. Know that mommy and daddy love and miss you 3 so very very much!!!

Merry Christmas From Heaven

(Author Unknown)

Throughout the Christmas season.

Don't fall into despair

Relive the special times we shared

I We promise ~~I'll~~ we'll be there.

You'll find me us in the stories

Of loved ones who stop by

~~I am~~ We are the flickering candlelight

My Our spirit did not die.

Continue with traditions

And gather round the tree

I We want you to be happy

You were everything to me us!!!

So, fill the house with warm thoughts

And know that ~~I am~~ we are a part

Of all the joy the season holds

Here always, in your heart.

Love From Above,
Alayna, Ella, and Luke

The Journey: Week 39

2011-12-25T09:27:00.000-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

December 25
How Far Along: 39 weeks.

Size of Baby: Our little bug-a-boo on average now weighs a bit over 7 pounds (pry more like over 8lbs) and measures over 20 inches long. Or for comparisons sake…the size of a mini watermelon (yikes)!!!

39 weeks: My baby is waiting to greet the world! Meanwhile, he/she continues to build a layer of fat to help control his/her body temperature after birth. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his/her skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath. (Information taken from babycenter.com)

Maternity Clothes: Yep.

Weight Gain: Ughh all the yummy Christmasy food did me in. I'm up another 4lbs which puts me at a 50lb weight gain...yikes!

Belly:

Stretch Marks: One tiny one right above my belly button...its a LOVE mark!!!

Sleep: For the past few nights I have woken up anywhere between 4:30 and 6am unable to fall back to sleep. After laying there (praying that I will fall back to sleep) for maybe 45 minutes or so I finally just get up, eat some cereal, and lay on the couch where I miraculously fall back to sleep within minutes. Must be the change in position is all I need. My best sleep is when I first fall asleep...I can typically get a good 2-3 hour stretch but the rest of the night I manage maybe 1-2 hours at a time.

Movement: Buggy has been very cooperative as of lately...praying it stays this way until he/she makes his/her debut!!! Buggy LOVES to jam his/her buttocks into my right ribs...its oh so comfortable for this mama :)

Symptoms: Frequent Braxton Hicks but otherwise no real contractions. Crampy here and there.

Food Cravings: Orange juice, grapefruit, Honey Nut Cheerios, and of course SWEETS!!!

Gender: We're gonna find out THIS WEEK!!!

What I Miss: When it comes right down to it...absolutely nothing. Carrying this sweet miraculous little life has been worth every ache and pain and sleepless night.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Holding Buggy THIS WEEK and founding out if my Rainbow babe is a BOY or a GIRL!!! Either way I am going to love him/her to pieces!!!

Milestones: I made it through a pregnancy with a full grown babe on board...who is just waiting to meet the world.

Emotions: Excited beyond words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Merry) Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T14:09:00.007-05:00

Last Sunday the whole fam went to my parent's house for Sunday dinner and we snapped a quick photo of the (thus far) grandchildren. It's nearly impossible to get them all looking...especially with 4 cameras snapping away..they just don't know which way to look!!!

Easton, Cambrey with Brinley, Cole, Kylynn, and Addi

And on Wednesday we snapped a quick picture before heading out to our friend's (Steve and Laura) house to enjoy our second Christmas party of the season. (The first was Thanksgiving weekend with my mom's side). I didn't take any pictures other than this one...oops. We kept our tradition going which meant a yummy dinner of (oil and cheese) fondue and boy was it ever tasty!!!

The hubby and I

And last night we celebrated Christmas with my family. Oh the noise but oh what fun!!! Can't wait until next year when Buggy and baby boy Vugteveen (due in April) get to join in on all the fun. We started with some appetizers and punch and then moved on to a wonderful steak dinner with lots of good side dishes (broccoli with cheese, strawberry pretzel salad, mashed potatoes, bacon cheese bread, (homemade) applesauce, etc). And after present opening time (which was chaos as usual)...we ended with a more then excellent ice cream dessert!!!

If you were on the carpet...you got to open a present. You better believe they ALL made a dash to the carpet when they heard that!!!

On the "special" carpet square!!!

Kylynn and I

Cambrey and I

Addi and I

Cole...he is quite a challenge to take a picture of these days...

Easton Marc...funny boy who wanted all of cousin Cole's presents!!!

And Brinley with Aunt Linnie and her soon-to-be

favorite cousin!!!

Papa and Grandma V with all the grandchildren.

The 3 big girls opening their gifts from Uncle Brian

and Aunt Linnie.

I could eat her up...Brinley came up with a new way to open up her presents.

Daddy and Mommy sitting on Buggy's Christmas gift from Papa and Gma V. (another gift originally bought for the twins)...but so thankful that we get to use it with our Rainbow baby!!!

Tonight Brian and I are heading over to my parent's house for pizza and games...just the 4 of us. (All my siblings have other Christmas parties to attend). And then tomorrow afternoon after church we'll celebrate Christmas with Brian's parents. And that will wrap up Christmas 2011.

And on a totally different note...Happy 18 months in Heaven (today) to my sweet Alayna Joy!!!

Non-Stress Test #15

2011-12-22T17:12:00.001-05:00

Thankful for another good appointment!!! Well the blood pressure was a little high (which meant I had to lay on my side for a few) but other than that...everything was looking GOOD!!! My blood pressure was 140/76 and after laying on my side for 5 minutes it came down nicely to 120/72. Buggy was super cooperative during today's non-stress test. No extra tummy pushing nor did I have to sit there a little longer to get a few more acelerations. Heartbeat did its typical fluctuation between the 140's and 150's. Oh and I found out a few appointments ago that my strep test was negative so no antibiotics for me!!!

The office was so busy today. I'm guessing because they have limited appointments this Friday and are closed this coming Monday...just trying to cram everyone in. So I had to wait just a bit for my nurse to call me back. I was just getting comfy in my recliner chair when she had to quickly go into another room. When she came back she apologized and said that a lot of sudden appointments had popped up (aka...bad things happening to other patients). I told her it was no problem. She strapped me in and I didn't really see her again until my test was over (and normally she checks in frequently). So she again apologized and said that she wasn't trying to ignore me but that she had just run a patient over to the hospital. Again I told her that I completely understood. Plus by now I can read the monitor just fine so I knew that Buggy was kicking the non-stress test's butt!!! When I got into the car I told Brian why I was calling a bit later and told him how thankful I was that we were not in that situation again. Makes you put things into perspective...thats for sure.

More Nursery Stuff

2011-12-21T22:35:00.002-05:00

So I know I said yesterday that Buggy's room was basically complete and I know I said I was in no rush to pick out a clock or some artwork but that was before I spent all yesterday afternoon on Etsy :o) I have been relaxing (aka...couch sitting) a ~~little~~ LOT more than last weeks "GO...GO...GO motto" because at this point I would prefer that Buggy spend a few more days in my belly. I would just like to get through all the Christmas parties before his/her arrival...instead of spending the holidays at the hospital but if Buggy has other plans...then so be it!!!

So back to the nursery talk. I was on Etsy yesterday and came across some super cute artwork. I messaged a couple of the owners to see if they could "modify" the colors because I want all the artwork to be in my color scheme...(although I am okay with a little gray here and there) and one owner told me she could (yea!!!) but I haven't heard from the other yet (not surprising seeing as its December 21). But here are a few of the pieces I am considering...(again remember that all of the artwork WILL be in white, gray, black, and yellow).

I will be choosing between one of the first two pieces...

You can find her work at Apple Blossom Print.

And I will be choosing between two of the following five pieces...

(If I went with either of these pieces I would have the wording taken off)

You can find her work at VT Designs. And this is the owner that I KNOW can change all colors to my color scheme!!!

And these are the frames I picked up (today) at Michaels for 50% off for the above artwork...

And I went to Target (with my handy giftcards) and found this clock (I know gasp...its not in my color scheme but I liked it so I bought it) and another picture frame for the bookshelf. Here's my funny story behind these purchases. Target (as you can imagine) was c-r-a-z-y busy. The cashier quickly rang up my two purchases, bagged them, and was already ringing up the next person before I had even grabbed my bag or put my giftcard back in my wallet. Once I got home I looked at my receipt and wouldn't you know...she didn't charge me for the picture frame. And there was no way pregnant 'ole me was heading all the way back to Target for a $10 frame.

And I saw on Lindsey's blog (Worth the Wait) a super cute DIY project. So I went to Hobby Lobby and bought some blocks, yellow paint and black letters. Unfortunately they only had one block (in the size that I wanted and it was cracked) so then I headed over to Michaels and they didn't even have the size I wanted at all...so I guess I'm just gonna have to wait until after the New Year. But I plan on spray painting the blocks yellow and putting the stickers on to spell Bug's name...can't wait to see the finished product!!!

Oh and yesterday when I was checking out nursery ideas at this website I came across a white changing table where the peeps had switched out the white knobs for pink. I loved the idea so yesterday when Brian and I were picking out hardware for the basement we order 6 black knobs for our changing table. Now we just have to wait for them to come in. Oh the ideas keep flowing!!!

A Different Experience

2011-12-21T11:46:00.003-05:00

The closer I get to my due date the more I start thinking about the girl's delivery. How I never got to see their beautiful eyes. How I never heard them cry. How we walked out of the hospital with empty arms. How hard that drive home was...tears streaming down my cheeks wishing it was all just a bad dream.

I've been told that Bug's delivery will be bittersweet. And I believe it. I cannot even watch a baby story anymore without tearing up during the delivery. Oh what a miracle it is. I just know I will be bawling when I hear that first cry. When I see my sweet Buggy (hopefully eyes wide open). When I hold my sweet Buggy (this healthy take-home baby) that I have prayed and prayed and prayed for. What an amazing (but very emotional) day it will be!!! I am SO ready for this new journey. And I am SO ready to put the last 9 months of stress and anxiety behind me (and I welcome the stress and anxiety of a newborn). I welcome the sleepless nights with my sweet baby because nothing could ever compare to the sleepless nights filled with nightmares after losing the girls (and after finding out we had lost Luke).

Footprints On Our Hearts

These tiny sets of footprints is all we have of you. When you were taken from us, our hopes and dreams were too. We miss you oh so much, our precious little ones. Our lives are filled with sadness now, instead of filled with joy.

Our arms are empty; our eyes are filled with tears. You were what we'd waited for, for oh so many years. You were so very beautiful; perfect hands and feet, tiny nose and eyes. What we would have given though, just to hear you cry.

Coming home without you wasn't what we'd dreamed. Looking at your empty room makes me want to scream. We had so many plans for you, so many things to do. Now we're left with shattered dreams, crying without you.

We wish you could have stayed with us; we loved you from the start. Now all we have are memories, and your footprints on our hearts.

-Author Unknown

Nursery Tour

2011-12-20T13:25:00.000-05:00

The nursery is basically complete. Well as complete as it can be until Buggy arrives!!! And I LOVE how it turned out...

View from the door.

(Don't mind the swing...its not a "part" of the nursery but I didn't feel like moving it).

Diaper stacker, changing table, and diaper champ.

Pictures above the changing table...Mommy and Daddy with Alayna, Buggy at 20 weeks, and Mommy and Daddy with Ella.

IKEA bookshelf...needs some filling up yet!

Rocker and baby's name (in these letters) WILL go on the wall next to the window.

Rocker, crib, and my awesome (I Samuel 1:27) phrase.

Close-up shot of "the phrase!"

Left side of the closet...yes its a little empty yet but that will be fixed really soon!!! I love how baby friendly the closet is...5 shelves on the left side and 3 on the right...plus the perfect amount of room for baby/toddler clothes! You can't tell by the picture but the top shelf is already full of my extras (crib sheet, changing pad cover, pack 'n play sheet, crib mattress, etc...plus Alayna and Ella's plush toys from last Christmas.

The right side of the closet...what clothes will need to be returned?!?

Buggy's toys (I LOVE my 31 bag) and hamper (both in the closet).

Once Buggy is here I'm sure the bookshelf and the closet will fill right up but otherwise I am very happy with Bug's nursery!!! Yes I might add some things here and there but for now its feeling complete. As you pry noticed I don't have a lamp in the nursery but Brian put a dimmer on the light switch last night so I don't feel like a lamp is necessary. However, I would like to get a clock for the room but to be honest I haven't even started looking for one yet (and it has to fit my yellow, black, and white theme). I also might look for some cute artwork for the walls but I'm in no rush. I got done what I wanted and thats all that matters to me!!!

Non-Stress Test #14

2011-12-19T16:36:00.001-05:00

Had another good appointment today!!! Blood pressure was 132/84. No protein in the urine. Bug's heartbeat bopped between the 140's and the 150's. And Buggy passed the non-stress test with relative ease.

Now when I say Buggy passed with relative ease what I mean is there was one "little hitch" to us passing. Since Buggy was pretty calm today (he/she was moving but not a whole lot)...the "little hitch" was that we got buzzed. And did that ever get Buggy moving :o). Because Buggy wasn't moving a whole lot today they put a buzzer right up to my belly and it buzzed for like 5 seconds. (If the baby reacts to it...excellent. If not then an ultrasound is sometimes needed). But no ultrasound was needed because Buggy started kicking and moving with heart accelerations like crazy once he/she heard the buzz. Of course I was slightly concerned that I had to be "buzzed" but Dr. J reassured me that EVERYTHING looked excellent and that I had no reason to be concerned about anything at all. He said that at this stage babies have longer sleep cycles and chances are Bug was just sleeping...and that the BUZZ woke him or her right up!!! Thankful for another good report!

The Journey: Week 38

2011-12-18T15:11:00.000-05:00

December 18
How Far Along: 38 weeks.

Size of Baby: Our little bug-a-boo on average now weighs about 6.8 pounds and measures over 19.5 inches long. Or for comparisons sake…like a leek.

A leek!

38 weeks: My baby has a firm grasp, which I’ll soon be able to test when I hold his/her hand for the first time! Bug’s organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. If I’m wondering what color my baby's eyes will be...I may not be able to tell right away. If he/she is born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If he/she is born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time he/she is 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after he/she is born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Information taken from babycenter.com)

Maternity Clothes: For the most part.

Weight Gain: Up another 3lbs...putting the total at 46lbs.

Belly:

Me (38wks) and my sis-in-law Jana (23wks)

Stretch Marks: Maybe a few around my belly button...but not really sure.

Sleep: Up basically every hour to pee = one tired mama. And rolling over is not an easy thing to do these days.

Best Moment of the Week: Passing no-stress tests and feeling Buggy move.

Movement: Sometimes more than other times...but I just keep reminding myself that there isn't much room for Buggy to move anymore.

Symptoms: Fingers are swollen. Face is swollen. And (in my opinion) my toes look like sausages. And I've noticed (starting this week) that a few of my shoes are ~~quite~~ very uncomfortable...good thing I have less than 2 weeks to go. Heartburn has gotten a touch worse this week and I have had quite a few Braxton Hicks this week too.

Food Cravings: Sweets, cereal, grapefruit and orange juice.

What I Miss: Normal looking toes ;)

What I'm Looking Forward to: Holding my BABY!!!

Milestones: I worked my last shift this past Thursday!!! So I have from now until baby is born PLUS 12 more weeks OFF!!!

Emotions: SO SO SO READY FOR MY BUGGY TO BE BORN!!!

Christmas Survey

2011-12-17T22:28:00.001-05:00

Christmas Survey

Compliments of Angie at Random Thoughts from Angie!!!

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate FOR SURE!!! And made with LOTS of marshmallows or LOTS of whipped cream!!!

Colored lights on tree/house or white? I do think that colored can look very pretty but we always do white on both the tree and our house.

Do you hang mistletoe? Nope and I've never been kissed under one either...

When do you put your decorations up? The day (or weekend) after Thanksgiving.

What is your favorite holiday dish? Mmmmm too many good ones to pick from but I LOVE all the yummy Christmasy sweets (Christmas Cookies (my mom's recipe) and Peanut Butter Balls definitely make the top of the list)) and I really love my mom's homemade apple pie.

Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I always loved being with family (playing with my cousins to be specific) and eating lots of yummy food on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. But the one Christmas that I (nor my siblings) will ever forget would be the Christmas when we all got jeans and the rest of our cousins got toys...the Vugteveen kiddos were disappointed to say the least. We can laugh about it now but my mom said the reason for the jeans was that they (my parents) didn't have a lot of money that year so necessities were more important than toys.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don't think I ever really believed in Santa...must be why my siblings and I left cookies out for our dad!!!

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? When I was really little yes because we celebrated Christmas with my mom's side on Christmas Eve. When I was in my "middle" years yes because we celebrated Christmas with my immediate family on Christmas Eve. And now it just depends. Since I work Christmas Eve every 3 years (and one of my sis-in-laws works retail) and with a big immediate family we try to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve with my immediate family but for the last few years we've had to move the celebration to a different day so the answer would be no for my "later" years.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? First of all we do artificial (boring...maybe but WAY easier). (And lucky for us its a pre-lit artificial tree). I first place my funky red glitter pieces into the tree...see the zoomed in picture below...

and then I add the ornaments one by one.

Snow! Love it or Dread it? I love it for oh about 2-3 months (beginning in mid-December) and then I am so over it. And I definitely LOVE a snowy white Christmas!!!

Do you remember your favorite gift? The year I got jeans for Christmas ;) No but seriously I don't really remember a favorite gift.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Apple Pie (homemade).

What is your favorite holiday tradition? When I was little I would say my favorite tradition was opening stockings Christmas morning with my siblings but thats been done and over with for a few years now. To be honest I don't currently have a fave tradition...hopefully we'll make some new traditions (starting next year) with Buggy!!!

Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Yum!!! I like fruity flavored ones the best.

Favorite Christmas movie? Hmmm...I would have to say National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

What is your favorite Christmas song? I don't have a favorite. But I absolutely LOVE Christmas music!!!

2011 Christmas Card

2011-12-16T16:48:00.000-05:00

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas...

Initially Snowflake Christmas

Creating Christmas cards has never been this easy.

View the entire collection of cards.

Much Love,
The Helmholdts

Non-Stress Test #13

2011-12-15T22:53:00.003-05:00

So today's appointment was a loooong one...almost 2 hours long...(they were running a bit behind). But once again I left feeling very reassured. Yesterday and this morning Buggy was less active (which I know at this stage is totally normal) but it just makes me a little uneasy. So I loved how cooperative (aka...active) Buggy was today during the non-stress test. Heartbeat was mostly in the 150's and 160's with a few blips into the 170-180's. Blood pressure was a little elevated (140/82) so I had to lay on my side for a few minutes but thankfully it came down nicely (and quickly) to 116/72. All in all Dr. J was happy with everything. And if he is happy then so am I!!!

So I wrote my letter to the L&D staff at Spectrum (which included my wants and my don't wants concerning delivery) and my nurse said that when she faxed over all of my information to the L&D charge nurse that she was very receptive to it. And Dr. J LOVED (absolutely LOVED) that I wrote a letter. He even personally went to make a copy of the letter and told me to personally walk that copy over to the charge nurse...so I did. He said to me...if a parent personally walked a letter over to your floor who had previously lost a child (on your floor)...wouldn't you do everything in your power to meet their requests...and the answer is obvious...most definitely YES.

They are going to try their best to put me on 3C (I delivered the girls on 2C) but if that's not possible then they will most definitely make sure to NOT put me in the same room as the girls (this is all I truly care about). I was bummed to find out that my 2 favorite nurses (from the girls) no longer work L&D at Spectrum but I did list a few nurses that already know my history (whom I would love to have as well)...just praying that one of them is working. If on the off chance none of the nurses that I mentioned are working (when I am induced) then I just asked for a nurse with experience in caring for a woman delivering after loss. Simple enough requests...don't ya think.

As I was leaving Dr. J gave me a little hug and said the moment you hold this baby will be a moment of sadness and joy all in one. Sadness over all I (we) never got to experience with the girls and joy that this sweet little miracle has finally made it into our arms. All I can say is tonight I am so thankful for such a wonderful and caring doctor that has made this journey of pregnancy after loss that much easier.

Every Day Means We're ONE Day Closer

2011-12-14T18:19:00.001-05:00

First things first...thought you would all enjoy a lovely picture of my belly. I've told you before but I'm telling you again this little babe LOVES the right side of his/her mama's belly. (And YES this IS a straight on picture of the belly...isn't it a beaut).

Monday
Non-Stress Test...CHECK.
Hair Appointment...CHECK.
Counseling Session with the hubby...CHECK.

So my husband who is totally NOT a talker can officially say that he attended his first counseling session (not that he will share this with anyone)...but I am happy to say that it went very well. We learned all about post-pardum depression and its signs and symptoms. We also had time to just ask general questions about labor and delivery and the such. (My counselor was a L&D nurse for over 20 years at the hospital I will be delivering at). She also recommended writing a note (to go on my chart) with a list of requests for my delivery. My requests are fairly simple...I do NOT want to be put in the same room where I delivered my girls and I WOULD like a nurse who is aware of my history. There are a few nurses that I know who work in Spectrum's L&D so I will be putting their names down.

After counseling we had to stop by my sister's house so Brian could take a look at their computer. They were having a little computer trouble and since Brian is good with computers he was recruited to fix the problem. I have no computer talent so I just went along for the ride. Well waiting my niece hopped up on my lap and wanted to feel Buggy move (which means Cole hopped up too)! And this is what my sweet niece said to me..."You know what Aunt Linnie...me and mommy prayed for you and baby when we were doing the laundry." And then she went on to say and I would like to pray for you and baby right now too. (She is only 4 years old folks)!!! And this was her prayer..."Dear Jesus, please be with Aunt Linnie and her baby and all my grandpas and grandmas too...Amen!" Oh how I love her!!!

Tuesday
Relaxing on the couch...CHECK!!!
Groceries...CHECK.
2nd to last shift at work...CHECK

And I came home from work to this sweet gift from one of the hubby's coworkers...

Nursery Rhymes DVD, a book, and 2 lil toys.

Wednesday
Pedicure...CHECK.
Prenatal massage...CHECK.
Made a few meals to freeze...CHECK.
Bible Study Christmas Party...almost CHECK.

And guess what arrived today...

Bug's diaper stacker!!!

And guess what else came today...

The proof of the wall saying that will be in Buggy's room!!!

Mandy (the gal who helped me design the wall saying) said she could drop it off tonight or tomorrow so here's to hoping the hubster will have it up by this weekend. Time-out who am I kidding...IT WILL BE UP BY THIS WEEKEND :)

Non-Stress Test #12

2011-12-13T08:21:00.001-05:00

I started this post yesterday afternoon but when the eyes started to close I decided to take a ~~quick~~ nap instead. And obviously since I am posting it today...I never got back to it...whoops.

But back to my update...Ahhhhh only a few more appointments to go until Baby Helmholdt arrives!!! I am so ready to be done with weekly (or since 32 weeks twice a week) appointments...not that I don't enjoy hearing my sweet Bug's heartbeat and knowing that he/she is okay but I just want to hold my Miracle Baby already...and that's all there is to it. Bug cooperated nicely today...meaning lots of accelerations and back to baselines. But my nurse was being super picky and wanted the accels to baselines to last longer. So she did a little belly pushing to get one more really good acceleration. But I have NO qualms with her being super picky with Bug's movements....just means everyone cares lots and lots about my little Buggy!!! Heart beat on average was more in the 150 range yesterday and hit the 160's and 170's frequently during his/her accelerations. Blood pressure was 138/80...a touch higher but nothing to be concerned about per Dr. J. Urine looked good. And Dr. J is happy with my weight gain. He said he couldn't be happier with where were at and that our prayers (to get to 37 weeks) have been answered!!! Back again on Thursday.

My First Blog Award!!!

2011-12-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

I would like to give a big thanks to Baby Hopes at Chasing Our Stork: From ART to Adoption for my first ever blog award!!! She is an amazing woman and oh so very soon she will be an amazing momma too (to 3 beautiful children...2 through adoption and 1 is currently cooking in the oven). Her story is an amazing testimony that miracles DO happen!!!

So the way this award works is that those awarded tell 7 things about themselves that others may not know. Then pass the award on to 15 other bloggers that you want yourself and others to know more about!

Seven things you may not know about ME:

1. For some odd reason I do NOT like butterfly's. I really have NO idea why because they are harmless but it is what it is.

2. Brian and I met because he was (is) one of my brothers close friends. For over 11 years I thought of him as a brother (because he was always at my house growing up). For the 3 years prior to us dating my sister tried to hook us up but because of the 8 year age gap it took some time for the spark to be lit but once it was...there was no putting it out!!! We were engaged after only 3.5 months of dating!!!

3. Exactly 4 years before we started dating Brian and I made a little deal...we were at my parent's cabin in the UP (the same place where 4 years later we fell in love). He had been drinking a wee bit but told 20 year old me that if in 10 years neither of us were married that we should marry each other. Thankfully it didn't take 10 years for us to make good on our little deal.

4. When I was just two years old my big sissy (by 20 months) saved my life. I was face down in the lake behind our house. When my sister saw me she ran up the deck to tell our mom that I was" downding." Thankfully it was April and the water was cold...pry the reason I survived.

5. I tore both my ACL's playing soccer. I tore my first ACL my Senior year of high school and to make matters worse it was the very first game of the season. As you can all imagine I thought my life was over because soccer was so important to me. (Little did I know what was all to come...). And then a mere 2 years later I tore the other ACL when on a mission trip in Jamaica. In retrospect I should have stayed on the side lines cheering with the rest of the girls.Oh well...lesson learned.

6. I have webbed toes on both my feet. And it looked like Ella was well on her way to webbed toes too.

7. I was a daddy's girl growing up. And just the other day my mom told me that my dad misses me. He told her that he "feels" like he doesn't get to see me much since I got married. Love him!!! And on a side note if we have a boy he will be named after my dad (and Brian and his dad too...they all have the same middle name). My mom didn't like the name (not that I really do either) so neither of my brothers are named after him nor are either of my nephews...so baby boy Helmholdt would be the first!

And now the 15 ladies I would like to nominate for the "Tell Me About Yourself Award...Your Blog is GREAT" are...(I wish I could nominate more than 15 blogs but rules are rules...just know that I think every blog that I follow is GREAT)!!!

1. Krista at J and K Plus Two
2. Heather at A Little Hope in My Pocket
3. Jacquelyn at The Howard Bunch
4. Bethany at Marked by Love
5. Chelle at Mini-Van Mega-Fun
6. Kami at Heaven Sent (Private)
7. Angie at Random Thoughts from Angie
8. E at Dreaming of babies
9. Bobbi at The Johnson's Journey
10. Jamie at MiniMe Mom
11. Lindsey at Worth the Wait
12. Erin at Jesus, Me and Infertility (Private)
13. Kristin at The Sterks
14. Jen at Our Micro-Preemie Twins
15. Lindsi at The Hancocks

All 15 of these ladies are an inspiration to me because each and every single one of them has gone through or is going through infertility and/or loss...two struggles very close to my heart.

The Journey: Week 37 (aka: FULL-TERM BABY)!!!

2011-12-11T15:00:00.001-05:00

December 11
How Far Along: 37 weeks.

Size of Baby: Our little bug-a-boo on average now weighs almost 6 and 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches long. Or for comparisons sake…like a stalk of Swiss chard. ***Pretty sure Bug is at least 7 and 1/2 pounds by now since he/she was an even 6lbs 3 weeks ago.***

A stalk of Swiss Chard!

37 weeks: My baby is now considered "full term," even though my due date is three weeks away. If I would go into labor now, Bug’s lungs would likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if I were planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, my doctor would schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there was a medical reason to intervene earlier). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But I won’t be surprised if my baby's hair isn't the same color as mine. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-a-likes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz. However, since Brian is dark haired and I am blond we would only be shocked if we had a redhead!!! (Information taken from babycenter.com)

Maternity Clothes: Yes.

Weight Gain: Well we passed the big 4-0 since I gained 3.5lbs this week. Must be all the chocolate I ate or maybe the scale was off last week. Either way I have gained a total of 43lbs thus far.

Belly:

Can you see the unevenness of my belly...Bug LOVES my right side!!!

Stretch Marks: Fingers crossed...none yet but I've still got 2-3 weeks to go.

Sleep: Oh its horrible. I totally know what people mean when they say they are just ready for baby to come in their last month of pregnancy. I typically wake up every 1.5-2.5 hours to pee and rotate. If I lay on one side too long I get really achy and super uncomfortable. I feel tired and I also think I "look" tired too.

Movement: Buggy doesn't like to move during our non-stress tests but otherwise he/she has been a very good mover this week. No days of panic (this week) for this mama!!!

Symptoms: Tired, achy, sore, and a little crampy. My mom also thinks that I have dropped some...which may very well be true since Buggy's heart beat was heard lower in my belly than the previous week.

Food Cravings: Sweets.

Gender: Can't wait for my Christmas surprise!!!

What I Miss: There may be a few things that I miss but Buggy is more than worth missing anything.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Holding (and meeting) my sweet bundle of LOVE!!!

Milestones: Bug is officially full-term this week...ahhhhhh!!!

Emotions: Bug will be here in less than 3 weeks. I am over the moon READY and EXCITED!!!

Helmholdt Happenings

2011-12-10T14:48:00.001-05:00

I can hardly believe that in less than 3 weeks my sweet Rainbow baby WILL BE HERE!!! Oh this mama is over the moon EXCITED and more than READY!!! ~~We're~~ Brian is hoping that Buggy will cook for at least another week (or two) because he really wants to have most of the painting finished in the basement before our sweet bundle arrives. I on the other hand will be more than ready after this coming Wednesday (but if he/she decided to come before Wednesday you wouldn't hear me complaining)...not that I think this is going to happen!

The finish work (in the basement) was done last week (yea!!!) and Brian's cousin started priming/painting all the trim and doors this past Tuesday and should be starting on the staining this week (hopefully done by midweek) and then Brian's dad will get as far as he can with the walls before Bug arrives. Then we will take a little break to adjust to our new life before finishing the whole she-bang. It's coming along nicely or so I hear (I haven't been down there at all this week with all the paint fumes).

My reason(s) for wanting Bug to arrive after Wednesday are purely selfish. On Monday I have a hair appointment and my last counseling session before Buggy's arrival. Brian will be attending this session with me because my counselor will be going over post-pardum depression signs and symptoms for Brian to look out for...so yes I would really like to get this last session in. And then on Wednesday I am planning on getting a pedicure (gotta have pretty toes in the delivery room) and I have my last scheduled prenatal massage (unless I book an appointment for the following week). Oh and at night I have a Christmas get-together with my Bible Study girls. This week I also have 2 more non-stress tests plus 2 more shifts at work (my last 2 shifts!!!)...and our house gets cleaned one final time on Monday...then its back up to me to keep the house all spiffy. So its gonna be another busy week but that just means were ONE WEEK CLOSER TO BUG'S ARRIVAL!!!

This week I received a few more shower gifts from some of my lovely coworkers...thanks Jenn, Melissa, and Jesslyn for the awesome gifts!!! And Jen for the Target giftcard.

From Jesslyn: homemade baby wipes (plus the recipe) and some super cute toys!!!

From Melissa: diapers and this book by Max Lucado

Jenn: these SUPER cute onesies, book, and a giftcard to Buy Buy Baby

Non-Stress Test #11

2011-12-08T12:56:00.001-05:00

Buggy and I had another good appointment today. And as Dr. J said...boring is GOOD!!! Blood pressure stayed stable at 136/74 and urine looked good. Buggy wasn't much of a mover today (seems to be his/her norm)...but we passed with just a little tummy pushing!!! Heartbeat seemed to sit more in the 140's but as always dipped to the 130's and into the 150's with a few spikes into the 160's. Next appointment is this coming Monday.

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

2011-12-08T12:37:00.012-05:00

Hard to believe that its been ONE whole year since we found out we were expecting our third little miracle. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Brian couldn't take the day off to be with me (while we waited for the phone call) so my mom took the day off instead. After November's BFN...there was NO way I could or wanted to hear the news sitting home by myself again. I will forever be grateful that my mom spent the day with me. We ate a little breakfast at Panera Bread, we got pedicures, and did a little shopping until I just couldn't concentrate anymore. After shopping we went back to my mom's house to wait for the phone call. It was a little before 2pm and I said to my mom maybe we should go to my house and see if they called the home phone. She agreed so to my house we went...but the answering machine was not blinking. I was going crazy because when we got the girl's positive and the previous month's negative I knew before 11am. And then the call finally came...WE WERE PREGNANT!!! And even though we lost our precious third miracle a few weeks later...the one thing I will say is that it made Christmas 2010 more bearable (since it was suppose to be the girl's first Christmas). But here's to Christmas 2011 (plus a few days) being THE BEST CHRISTMAS TO DATE!!!

A friend emailed me "A Bereaved Parent's Wish List" a few days ago and even though some of it may not/does not apply to me anymore some of it certainly still does...and some of it may still apply to some of you so I wanted to share it with you all.

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

I wish my child hadn't died.

I wish I had my child back.

I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child’s name.

My child lived and was very important to me.

I need to hear that my child was important to you also.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child’s death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. The months/years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I will always grieve that my child is gone.

I wish you wouldn't expect me “not to think about it” or “be happy”. Neither will happen for a very long time, so don’t frustrate yourself.

I don’t want to have a “pity party”, but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say, “I’m doing okay”, I wish you could understand that I don’t “feel” okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to “take it one day at a time” is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I’m doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, it’s certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died too. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I will never be that person ever again.

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had my child back.

Love you Luke!!!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-07T09:24:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday I was at my sister's house just hanging out for a bit when my niece Cambrey decided that she wanted to feel Buggy move so she pulled my shirt up and put her hand on my belly. And if you know my nephew Cole at all...you know he immediately wanted in on the action too! Cambrey kept saying, "Why won't the baby move?" And..."Aunt Linnie I think your baby just moved." It was so sweet. They seriously had their hands on my belly for a good 10-15 minutes. I asked Cole if he thought he was going to have a girl cousin or a boy cousin and in his sweet little voice he said...gurl cousin. And of course I don't even ask Cambrey anymore cause she always says girl :) Guess we'll find out in another 3 weeks (give or take a day or two)!!!

Non-Stress Test #10

2011-12-06T20:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was non-stress test #10 and until now I haven't even had a chance to post about it because I have been so busy. But rest assured...all was well!!! Blood pressure was a little high at 138/80 (but still under my parameters) so Dr. J was happy. Trace of protein in the urine but at this point nothing to be concerned about. All I can say is that I am so thankful for each new day because it brings me one day closer to holding my Earthly Angel!!!

3 Years of Wedded Bliss

2011-12-06T20:40:00.002-05:00

Today marks 3 years of wedded bliss!!! And the one thing that I can surely say is that time sure does fly by (whether you're having fun or not). And even though we've endured a lot these past few years and even though it's not the life we imagined...I wouldn't trade this man or this life for anything. Happy Anniversary babe!!!

To celebrate our 3 year anniversary we went to dinner at Twisted Rooster and then headed home to watch our wedding DVD. We got quite a few chuckles out of the DVD (we haven't watched it in over 2 years) but the one thing that really struck me was "what our plan was." Oh how different life has turned out. But my favorite part might have been the Best Man and Matron of Honor speeches. And with that I am going to include the poem that my sister read as part of her speech...

Marriage Takes Three

I once thought marriage took
Just two to make a go,
But now I am convinced
It takes the Lord also.

And not one marriage fails
Where Christ is asked to enter,
As lovers come together
With Jesus at the center.

But marriage seldom thrives,
And homes are incomplete,
Till He is welcomed there
To help avoid defeat.

In homes where Christ is first,
It's obvious to see,
Those unions really work,
For marriage still takes three.

-Author Unknown-

Buggy To Do List

2011-12-04T19:34:00.002-05:00

It's officially crunch time!!! We gotta get to all the finishing touches in preparation for Bug's MUCH anticipated arrival (because it could be anytime)!!! Which means this past Friday (since I had my last shower on Wednesday) Brian and I went to Buy Buy Baby to buy the last few item that I felt were necessary off our registry. These items included...a snugly little winter hat for Bug to come home in, a second car seat base (one for each of our vehicles), a crib mattress pad, and the diaper champ. We were fortunate enough to have 4 showers so Buggy really did get most of the necessary items (plus some) that he/she needed (or that mom just wanted)!!! There are only two things off my registry that have been bought that I have not yet received...one of which I NEED (the baby's car seat head support). And in talking with my mother-in-law today...she told me that she had bought both items so I have no need to worry that I will get them (or at least the head support) before Bug arrives.

I ordered Buggy's diaper stacker a few weeks ago so now I am just waiting for it to arrive. I was told it would be shipped by this coming Tuesday (I ordered if off Etsy) which means it should arrive by Friday...if not Friday then hopefully by early next week. The diaper stacker that I ordered matches Bug's bedding so I already know its gonna be awesome!!!

Another thing on my Buggy-to-do list is picking out a little wall saying to put above Bug's crib and I think I have finally decided on a phrase. I was deciding between...For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart, I am a child of God, and Blessing from Heaven. But the winner is...drum roll please...For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart. 1 Samuel 1:27. I found a website that I could order the quote from but I really want to order it from someone who lives locally so I sent this person a picture (one that I got from the website) to see if she could do something (almost) JUST LIKE IT...now I'm just waiting to hear back from her. However, if it costs too much (the phrase IS pretty long) then I think I'll go with "I am a child of God" instead. Here is a picture of the photo. I LOVE everything about it except the font (way too loopy for my liking) and I would order it in black lettering...

Yet another thing on my Buggy-to-do list is ordering letters to spell out Buggy's name. However, since we don't know the gender of Buggy...this will have to wait until after he/she is born. But these are the letters I am going to get (in white) from USA Baby...

"Funky" by Twelve Timbers

Unfortunately the local USA Baby is going out of business but thankfully there are many USA Baby's around the country that I can order them from instead!

Another thing we scratched off the Buggy-to-do list this weekend was putting the swing, bouncer, and sleeper together. My awesome hubby put them all together last night...while I packed my hospital bag!!! Brian made me laugh so hard because after he put them all together he said...why does the baby need 3 of the same thing. Oh silly man don't ya know they all have different functions.

Portable swing and Bouncer

And the sleeper...Bug will be in reach of mommy!!!

Now we just need to get the car seat base IN the car...probably going to enlist the help of my sister or sister-in-law on this one. And then I think we are basically set for Buggy's arrival!!!

The Journey: Week 36

2011-12-04T15:40:00.001-05:00

December 4
How Far Along: 36 weeks.

Size of Baby: Our little bug-a-boo is still packing on the pounds--at the rate of about an ounce a day. Bug now weighs almost 6 pounds (haha...Bug weighed 6lbs TWO weeks ago!!!) and is more than 18.5 inches long. Or for comparisons sake…the size of a crenshaw melon.

A crenshaw melon!

36 weeks: My baby is shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his/her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his/her skin during his/her nine-month amniotic bath. My baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, which will form the contents of his/her first bowel movement. At the end of this week, my baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term). More than likely Bug is in a head-down position. But if he/she isn't, my doctor may suggest scheduling an “external cephalic version,” which is a fancy way of saying he will try to coax Buggy into a head-down position by manipulating him/her from the outside of my belly. (Information taken from babycenter.com)

Maternity Clothes: Mostly YES but I can still get away with a few non-maternity items.

Weight Gain: I am thankful that I didn't gain anything this week. After my 4lb weight gain from last week I was scared to step on the scale this morning. But my mom told me last week that towards the end of each of her (4) pregnancies that her weight gain was minimal. So my total weight gain still stands at 39.5lb. Holding strong...maybe I won't break the big 5-0!!!

Belly:

Stretch Marks: None thus far...fingers crossed it stays this way!

Sleep: I woke up last night about every 1.5 hours to pee (that would be a total of 5 bathroom trips in a nine hour period)...and dreamed all sorts of craziness in between. Lets just say I woke up tired...

Best Moment of the Week: Excellent doctor appointments!!!

Movement: Depends on Bug's mood but he/she is moving enough for me to feel peace.

Symptoms: Starting to feel a little crampy, oh so very TIRED, and had a few round ligament pains yesterday.

Food Cravings: Scotch-er-roos and grapefruit.

Gender: Mmmmm not much longer until we know!!!

What I'm Looking Forward to: Holding my sweet Buggy!!!!!!!!!

Milestones: I am "officially" 9 months pregnant today!!!

Non-Stress Test #9

2011-12-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

Buggy and I had a little chat this morning and during that chat I told Bug that he/she better cooperate during today's non-stress test. But do you think he/she listened? Mmmmm...that would be a NO. We had to sit there for a good 40 minutes before we "passed." Buggy was pretty sluggish to begin the test but after a little poking and prodding he/she became very active!!! But most importantly I left feeling reassured AND Buggy once again reminded me that we all have our sluggish days.

Heart rate was all over the place from mid 130's to high 150's with a few blips into the 160's. Blood pressure was rocking at 134/76 and no protein in the urine. Next appointment is this coming Monday and I will be swabbed to check for that lovely little thing called Group B Strep. I asked Dr. J if he'll start manually checking me next week and he told me that he is "new school" and that he doesn't do manual checks. And then he explained why. He said that he believes manual checks only increase the odds of cramping and bleeding...which lead to extra OB triage visits...which more often than not results in "the patient" being sent home...which results with "the patient" receiving a nice bill in the mail. He also said even if I (or any patient) were at a 4...that I could sit there for a few weeks. Bottom line is...if he doesn't feel that it's necessary then I don't either. But I did ask (since I won't be manually checked) if I would be having any more ultrasounds to make sure that baby's head was down. He said no because he can tell by feeling my belly. So he pushed on my belly and said that baby is definitely head down and definitely locked in!!! Oh man oh miskins I cannot believe that we're heading into week 36 (9 months baby!!!) nor can I believe that this is finally the month of Buggy's MUCH anticipated arrival!!!

Bug's Last Shower

2011-12-01T13:37:00.003-05:00

Last night I attended my last baby shower given by my wonderful friends (and coworkers) at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital. And as usual Buggy was spoiled! Ten lovely ladies were able to make it to the shower (although many more gave towards Buggy's loot) at El Barrio. We ate until our bellies were full and then proceeded to top it off with some yummy cake. And then we got to the gift opening...

Me and Bug's changing pad

Nichole and I

Kara and I

The gang...

Front: Kate, Me, and Lousie

Back: Tina, Jen, Kara, J Lo, Stacy, Nichole, and Sarah

And the loot...

Bathrobe, changing pad, changing pad cover, small changing pads, tiny-tots placement, silverware, miracle blanket, teething soothers, and silence sound machine.

They also gave me two very generous giftcards to both Target and Buy Buy Baby. And with the giftcards (and the giftcards that I already have) Buggy will be more than set. Can't wait to do a little damage to those giftcards on Friday (with the hubby) when we go to pick up the last of Buggy's necessities and also a few things that I just want!!! And Buggy's spoiling doesn't end there...at least 3 coworkers (who couldn't make the shower) told me that they have a gift for Buggy. And one of the gals who came to the shower is getting me a 31 organizing utility bag with Buggy's name on it...so this will obviously be coming after Bug is born. So loved!!!

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE...I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY THIS MONTH!!!

Thanksgiving Weekend Happenings

2011-11-29T10:05:00.002-05:00

Brian and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving (and Thanksgiving weekend). On Thanksgiving Day we went to my parent's house for lunch. And boy oh boy was the food ever GOOD!!! As you can imagine my pregnant belly was hurting but lets just say (in my opinion) it was well worth it. Most of my family was together (except my sister's family because her 2 oldest kiddos had strep throat). But the best news of the day was when my brother and his wife told us that baby Vugteveen was a healthy baby BOY!!! After leaving my parent's house next on the agenda was a nap (for both me and the hubster). And then to end our day we went to see Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Friday morning brought a doctor appointment for me and some hunting for the hubby. And then the afternoon called out for some Christmas music as Brian hauled up our Christmas decorations so I could start decorating the house...oh how I just love decorating for Christmas!!! Then later that afternoon I headed into work as Brian headed out to do some more hunting.

My new table centerpiece...I just love my new red and green balls!!!

A little "spice up" of Alayna (above) and Ella's (below) pictures!!!

The Alayna and Ella tree!!!

We decided to not put up our big Christmas tree this year for a couple of reasons but the main reason being that we always take the tree down the day after Christmas and there is NO way at 9 (technically 10) months pregnant that I am going to feel like taking a Christmas tree down plus if Buggy is born already I'm not going to feel like taking it down either. But next year it WILL BE back in action!!! But I still really wanted to display the girl's ornaments so up went the mini tree with all their special ornaments. Last Christmas my parents gave us a Christmas ornament for each of the girls, as did my friend Kami, and I made them each a (few) "First Christmas" ornaments. And then my sis-in-law Kristi and our friends Steve and Laura gave us an ornament for the girls to share.

Saturday morning brought about (yet another) hunting escapade for the hubby and a coffee date for me (at my house) with some of my closest girlfriends. This (entertaining) was a pretty big step for me since I have barely seen some of these friends since losing the girls. But it was nice catching up and seeing their little ones (some that I have never seen or have only seen once). Those that made the date included Janna and her two boys Ezra (20 mo) and Josiah (7 mo), Melissa and her little boy Cohen (3 mo), and my friends Karie and Krista (who was in from Boston). The other 2 gals that round out our group of 7 are Gretchen (who was gone for the weekend) and Rachel (who had just had her second little boy the night before...congrats to Matt, Rach, and big brother Jude on little Rhys Matthew)!!! I did some baking and cleaning (oh and some napping) in the afternoon and then at night we headed out to our first Christmas party of the year with my mom's side of the family. Sorry no pictures...I don't like moving much :)

The 7 of us taken sometime in 2007 (I think...)

Me, Kare, Gretch, Krista, Rach, Janna, and Melis

And that brings us to Sunday. We went to church and out for brunch with our friends Steve and Laura and then after brunch we stopped by their house to pick this up...

Laura I CANNOT thank you enough for your kindness. What is this (some of you may be asking)...its her $350 electric breast pump that she is just giving to me. And isn't it stylish!!! And the rest of the day was spent napping (big surprise) and relaxing...oh and finishing up the Christmas decorations!!!

And last thing to blog about is the sweet baby gift I got in the mail yesterday. My dear friend Kristin sent me a gift when she totally did NOT have to. Kristin your thoughtfulness is much appreciated. As I have already mentioned...I don't like to move too much so here is an alternate picture of the wonderful gift that I received...

Cannot wait for Buggy to enjoy the bath toys!!!

and I cannot wait to read Buggy this book!!!

Praying for you and Dan and the journey you are about to begin!!! SO SO SO worth it!!!

Reassured Again

2011-11-28T13:22:00.000-05:00

So Buggy and I had our 8th non-stress test today and Buggy did GREAT!!! No extra belly pushing was needed today...which made me very happy. I was reassured by both Dr. Jelsema and my nurse Beth that Buggy's more subtle movement is completely normal at this stage of pregnancy...(he/she doesn't have much room to maneuver around after all) and also that Buggy could have flipped so I might not be feeling his/her kicks as often. Either way everything looked good and I left feeling positive again. Heart rate stayed consistent (high 140's), mama's weight is still increasing, and mam's urine looked good...maybe a trace amount of protein (according to Beth when I asked) but Dr. J didn't mention anything so to me that means I have nothing to be concerned about. Back again on Thursday...

The Journey: Week 35

2011-11-27T17:31:00.001-05:00

November 27
How Far Along: 35 weeks.

Size of Baby: Our little bug-a-boo is on average over 18 inches long and tips the scale at 5 and 1/4 pounds. Or for comparisons sake…the size of a honeydew melon.

Picture of Baby:

body and face...

35 weeks: Because it's so snug in my womb, Bug isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he/she kicks should remain about the same. His/her kidneys are fully developed now, and his/her liver can process some waste products. Most of his/her basic physical development is now complete--he/she will spend the next few weeks putting on weight. (Information taken from babycenter.com)

Weight Gain: Ugh up another 4 POUNDS...blaming it on Thanksgiving :) So my total is half a pound short of 40. And looking back at my weight-gain chart...I gained 10lbs in 4 weeks which means I could easily gain another 10lbs before Buggy arrives...which means my total could tip the scale at 50 pounds...WHOA. (No exclamation here). But Buggy is worth every pound!!!

Belly: 3 pictures this week...

Thanksgiving Day (34 weeks and 4 days)

(Looking so tired...)

belly shot!!!

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Ugh.

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing our sweet bundle of LOVE again!!!

Movement: On Thursday I started feeling that shift of (less) movement again...in other words Buggy's movement is not as strong. Makes sense since Buggy was already a whopping 6lbs (at 34 weeks)...not much room to maneuver in mommy's belly!!! So needless to say I am ready for my non-stress test again tomorrow...just to be reassured that everything is still looking good.

Symptoms: Took the wedding ring off this week. At my appointment on Tuesday I told Mary (my nurse) that my fingers were definitely starting to swell and she me that she ended up having to cut her wedding ring off because she didn't take it off soon enough. So needless to say when I got home Brian told me to take the ring off...he doesn't want to replace the band :)

And I am starting to feel like a beached whale. I tried on 3 different outfits today and they all made me look big. Brian told me that everyone likes Shamu though...isn't he sweet. On a side note...he DID get yelled at!

Food Cravings: All food is GOOD!!! Hence the weight gain...

Gender: I am so excited for my our SURPRISE!!! My brother and his wife found out this week that they are having a little BOY!!! So this really makes me wonder what Buggy is. Plus one of my good friends just had her second little boy this week. So this means that all my closest girlfriends only have boys...(two friends each have 2 little boys and two other friends each have one little boy). Three-fourths of the blogs I follow are having boys and the last 3 babies at church were boys and two of the next four are also little boys. Will we follow the BOY trend or switch it up GIRL style?!?!

What I Miss: Sleep...the bags under my eyes are not too appealing :)

What I'm Looking Forward to: My last shower (given by my superb coworkers) this coming Wednesday!!!

Milestones: Only 2 more weeks until Buggy is considered FULL-TERM!!! Can't wait to hit that milestone!!!

Emotions: Holding my own.

Non-Stress Test #7

2011-11-25T21:19:00.000-05:00

Another good appointment today!!! But nothing much to blog about (which I am so very thankful for). Baby was moving lots during the non-stress test but the movements were not super strong so Mary (my nurse) had to push on my belly a bit to get some good (heart) accelerations. She told me that there was nothing to be concerned about though because all babies have their sluggish days. My blood pressure was 122/68...first attempt!!! No protein in my urine. Weight gain stable. And Buggy's heartbeat (at baseline) was its typical high 140's to low 150's. And that's it...back on Monday for non-stress test #8.